The Message of Elul: Show Up As You Are

Some time ago, I came across a comic strip that depicted what transpires when a person is stuck in a pit, and calling for help. In the illustrations, there were pedestrians who walked past without noticing, and others who stopped to stare before continuing on their way. A concerned passerby paused to ask if there was anything he could do, before making some suggestions, while a good Samaritan offered to throw a rope and extended his hand. In the final image, an individual was seen climbing down into the pit, to join the person who was trapped. It took me a moment to register what was taking place.

In the metaphorical trenches of life, we find ourselves with no shortage of challenges, often causing us to feel deeply lost and alone. As we endeavor to find our way, there are those who may be too distracted or disinterested to notice, some who are insatiably curious or prying, charitable community members who may offer to help and give advice, or the friendly neighbor who brings over dinner.

Undoubtedly, an attentive therapist can provide much needed guidance during difficult times, and yet, therapists tend to take a leadership role, and must also adhere to strict ethical standards that instruct them in the therapeutic process. While this power differential creates important boundaries, it also has the potential to reinforce and perpetuate the “less than” beliefs that the client already holds about themselves. Is this always the most effective model of support?

God’s Presence in Our Suffering

The Jewish People have endured four exiles; the current of which has lasted nearly 2,000 years. Galut (exile) is a time of Divine concealment, bitter suffering, and great difficulty for our nation; similarly reflected in our individual and personal challenges. Indeed, there is no shortage of pain and struggle for a Jew in today’s world.

While it’s natural to feel lost and alone in the dark, we are taught that due to His great love for His children, Hashem (God) sacrifices His Shechinah (Divine Presence) and descends into the galut together with us. By doing so, He provides us with the ability to connect to Him in our greatest discomfort, so that we can heal, return, and be redeemed from the pit of exile. In Yeshayahu (Isaiah 63:9) we are told “In all their suffering, He suffers with them.” It is the simple presence of our compassionate Father who remains with us in the hardest of times, that serves as the most powerful comfort as we move through life’s adversities.

Divine Companionship in Every Exile

In the Talmud (Megillah 29a) we learn: Rabbi Shimon ben Yocḥai says: Come and see how beloved the Jewish people are before the Holy One, Blessed be He. As every place they were exiled, the Divine Presence went with them. They were exiled to Egypt, and the Divine Presence went with them, as it is stated: “Did I reveal myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt?” (Shmuel I 2:27). They were exiled to Babylonia, and the Divine Presence went with them, as it is stated: “For your sake I have sent to Babylonia” (Yeshayahu 43:14). So too, when, in the future, they will be redeemed, the Divine Presence will be with them, as it is stated: “Then the Lord your God will return with your captivity” (Devarim 30:3). It does not state: He will bring back, i.e., He will cause the Jewish people to return, but rather it says: “He will return,” which teaches that the Holy One, Blessed be He, will return together with them from among the various exiles.

God does not schedule a “therapeutic hour” for us and check His clock because the next client is on his way. If our anger provokes us to cry out, or our sadness brings us to tears, He doesn’t get uncomfortable. He desires our presence, asks that we share with Him, and descends together with us into every trial, where He stays by our side, no matter how long and hard. He does not become unavailable at the end of each day; He will only leave exile when we return home.

God as the Paragon of Compassion

In Tehillim (Psalms 91:15), God reassures us: “He will call Me and I shall answer him; I am with him in distress; I shall rescue him and I shall honor him.” With this commitment, God models the gold standard for genuine empathy. When we pity someone from the sidelines, the implication is that we are better than him. If however we can “put ourselves in another’s shoes,” this enables us to show up on equal footing, and to identify with the individual through sincere understanding and regard. God, the Almighty Creator of the universe, does not simply observe our pain from afar, but He joins us in the hardship, with no judgement at all.

In Bereishit (1:27) we are taught: “And God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him…” Of course, this statement does not refer to physical likeness, as God has no material form. “B'tzelem Elokim—in the image of God” therefore alludes to our qualities and character traits, which are truly Godly. As spiritual reflections of our Creator, we are innately endowed with the capability to conduct ourselves with divine empathy and kindness.

This then, is the God-given gift of those precious empathetic souls, who climb down into the mud with us when we’re stuck. They act as a faithful anchor, and sacrifice their own comfort, to descend into the darkness, to hold space, to listen, and to validate. It may not be pretty like the box of cookies at your doorstep, but somehow, they inherently know that simply being with the other can offer the greatest comfort, that no words must be said and no great act must be done.

The King in the Field

Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, the founder and first Rebbe of Chabad, teaches that during the month of Elul, the King is in the field. Through this powerful metaphor, we are told that God joins us in the (battle)field of our daily lives, amidst the chaos and uncertainty, as we prepare for the Jewish New Year and the Days of Awe. He meets us where we are, to remind us that He is approachable and desiring to connect with us, if we only reach out.

Throughout all other months of the year, it is necessary to prepare oneself to enter the King’s palace. And yet, during life’s darkest periods, it can seem virtually impossible to get up, dress ourselves, or to make any effort at all. Isn’t it ironic, that when we need God most, it is inconceivable to contend with the bureaucracy of reaching Him? I believe that the message of the month of Elul is the template for these very moments. God seems to be saying: “Show up as you are. There are no expectations. I can accept you in all your darkness, I can witness you in all your pain.”

In several of his talks, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson explained that the month of Elul serves as a model of leadership and a lesson for us year-round. Just as God meets the people where they are, it is our duty to do the same in our interactions with those around us.

When we find ourselves engulfed by darkness, it may be difficult to notice those who silently sit beside us, with superhuman patience and compassion, as we move through our pain. Undeniably, galut is a time of great concealment, which limits our ability to see and feel Hashem’s presence. But He promises, that if we simply lift our eyes and call out to Him, we’ll discover that He has been right beside us all along.