“I Had Stage 4 Cancer, and Then I Found Out I Was Pregnant”

Dorit Shmian dreamed of becoming a mother from the age of 16. She married relatively young, gave birth to six children, and experienced six miscarriages. One of those miscarriages happened while she was battling cancer, which was discovered at a very advanced stage.

It was during that frightening period that she began reconnecting with Hashem.

“Keeping mitzvot was simply a given in our home. It didn’t come from a place of searching or asking questions. When I got sick and discovered I was pregnant, that was when I started having a conversation with Him, and it opened up whole new worlds for me.”

“We Kept Mitzvot Because That’s What You Do”

Dorit grew up in Kiryat Bialik in a religious family. She was the third of four siblings. Her father was an accountant who also served as a cantor in the synagogue, while her mother worked as a caregiver for babies.

“It was a neighborhood kind of childhood. We would all play together outside in the neighborhood in the afternoons until it got dark,” she recalls. “At school, we were a very close-knit group, with lots of social activities.”

What was your family’s religious life like?

“We always kept mitzvot, but not from a place of examining why and how, what was behind it, and how it affected us. We didn’t speak with Hashem; we simply kept mitzvot because that’s what you do. We were religious.

“There weren’t labels like kindness or compassion. They simply asked us, ‘What volunteer work are you doing this week?’ Volunteering was required at school through ninth grade, but we continued through 12th grade because we knew it was important to do for others. When you’re called to the flag, you show up. That’s simply how we were raised. It was our way of life.”

In sixth grade, the family moved to Kiryat Motzkin, and Dorit suddenly found herself alone.

“We were the only religious family in a neighborhood of 90 families. We didn’t know anyone, and I didn’t connect with anybody. It was really hard for me. The only thing that kept me going was my connection with my friends. That was the fabric of my life, and it gave me so much strength.”

She met her husband, Avner, in a completely unexpected way. “My grandmother told me, ‘Go find yourself a groom.’ It made me laugh, because the oldest kids in the town were in sixth grade, and I was planning to finish my degree and maybe find a groom afterward.”

After the wedding, the road was not easy for Dorit and Avner.

“I always knew I wanted to be a mother. It was hard to get pregnant; we tried for a year. After I finally got pregnant, I had a miscarriage, and it was difficult. I was already in the place I had dreamed of reaching, and I felt like I was almost there. When I miscarried, I fell into depression and lost 7 kilograms. In my second year of studies, I was pregnant again, and I gave birth at the end of the school year.”

Wasn’t it hard to complete a degree while pregnant?

“Very. My daughter was born on the last day of my second academic year. I took my exams with her. I also knew I would be busy the following year, so I enrolled in as many courses and classes as possible. It was challenging, but my family helped me enormously. I gave birth to my second daughter when I was already a teacher.”

Dorit says she always wanted to be a mother who listened to her children.

“That was the innocence of a child. I always gave my parents trouble because I was the most mischievous one. I didn’t listen to what I was told and tried to stand my ground. There are seven years between me and my youngest brother, and they always said they needed to rest after me.

“It sounds funny now, but back then I wanted things to be different. It’s a life’s work. Even as a mother, I’m trying to find my place and listen to my children. The most important thing is to do the very best I can for them, even if I make mistakes along the way.”

Do you see your parents differently now?

“I accept their parenting because they didn’t know any differently. They didn’t think there was a problem with it, because from their perspective, it was the right thing to do. I want to change it, and that is my correction.”

“I’ll Be Able to Have Children Even After the Illness”

Dorit continued working as a teacher while raising two young daughters. She was only 25 when she began feeling terribly exhausted.

“I was working two jobs and started feeling terribly exhausted. I thought it was normal because we were so busy. Avner was working and studying for a degree, and I was balancing work and home.

“One day, I asked a question in class. One of the children I had called on was thinking of the answer, and during that time I touched my neck. Suddenly, I felt something like a pea-sized lump. I hadn’t noticed it before, and it worried me.”

Her parents came to visit that day, and Dorit decided to see a doctor, something she would normally have put off.

“The doctor asked whether I was sweating at night. I didn’t understand how he knew that. I really was waking up drenched in sweat every morning, but I hadn’t connected it to any particular problem.”

Dorit then began a series of tests, all of which initially indicated that everything was fine. Eventually, her doctor referred her to a surgeon.

“When I asked him again, he said he was concerned that it might be lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes.”

How did you react?

“I started crying. The doctor tried to calm me down and said I was still young and that people had recovered from it. I was afraid I would get home, tell Avner, and he would get up and leave, because he himself lost his mother to cancer at age 15. So why would he want a sick wife at home?

“I went back and told Avner, and he did get up, but to look online and see what it meant.”

At the same time, Dorit was experiencing additional physical symptoms. Her doctor referred her for a pregnancy test.

“I didn’t understand how I could be pregnant if I was sick and had so many affected lymph nodes. We already knew it was probably cancer, though there were still no results. On the other hand, I received a positive pregnancy test, but they identified that it was not developing properly, and I needed to undergo another D&C.”

Do you remember what you felt when you found out you were pregnant while also fearing cancer?

“I remember that one day I started speaking with Hashem. Suddenly, I began connecting to another place, beyond the ordinary. It was unfamiliar to me. I spoke with Him and asked, ‘Aren’t all these troubles enough, and now a pregnancy too?’

“I had tried to get pregnant for a year and a half, and now, when my body had no strength, it happened. I told Him, ‘I believe in You. If I have reached this situation, stage four cancer and a large lymph node near my heart that could cause cardiac arrest in a second, and now You have made me pregnant, it means that even after the illness I will be able to have children, no matter what happens.’

“That is what sustained me throughout the entire period that followed. A week after the miscarriage, I had a biopsy, and at that time we didn’t tell anyone anything, not even my parents. I was afraid myself, and I was afraid for them, too. I decided that until there was a final answer, I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Dorit went through the miscarriage and took sick leave from work. When the biopsy results arrived, she understood that the road ahead would be difficult and long. Only then did she begin telling her workplace and family.

“I didn’t have the courage to tell my parents, so I told my brother, hoping he would tell them. They took it fairly well, and I thought maybe they were in denial. Only later did I understand that my brother had told them I had a blood illness and hadn’t mentioned the word cancer.”

You were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Did you feel hope or despair?

“The doctor said there was a 95 percent success rate, but I was so afraid of the other 5 percent. It was hard, but eventually a friend told me to focus only on the chances of success, not on death.”

Good News After Six Years

Once Dorit understood that she needed treatment, a friend referred her to a Haredi specialist, and she decided to consult with him.

“He understood that I was worried about having children later on. I was crying all the time because I wanted more children, and two were not enough. I was afraid: Would I be able to get pregnant again? He suggested a treatment that was less harmful to fertility. It felt like a sign to me. I was referred to him, and he was the specialist, so of course I trusted him. Who was I to doubt him if he thought I had a chance?”

Dorit’s spiritual strengthening continued during her treatments at Rambam, especially while she waited at the quiet beach near the hospital.

“I looked at the waves, at that enormous sea, and began speaking with Hashem. If He is responsible for worlds like these, then He can certainly send healing to me, someone so small.”

So, in practice, did you rediscover Hashem?

“I discovered a Hashem who was not distant from me. Not one for whom you keep mitzvot and nothing more, but I truly saw Him. I reached a place of trusting and believing that He has the power to do everything, and that nothing can be taken for granted.

“At the beginning of the illness, I was angry. I didn’t understand: How could I, a mother, an educator in Israel, someone who also lives a religious lifestyle, receive this illness? But afterward, I saw the illness as a great gift. I accepted it and thought about what I intended to learn from it.

“I discovered myself, what was important to me in my home and marriage, and I took a moment to stop. Those were 10 months of learning, and I went through cancer without too many problems. By the fifth chemotherapy treatment, they could already see improvement, but I completed the protocol of 12 treatments. It truly was a miracle. I went through that period with chemotherapy alone and without hospitalizations. Hashem watched over me.”

After she recovered, Dorit and Avner moved to Karmiel, and Dorit already wanted another child. Her body needed two and a half years of rest before it could handle another pregnancy, and afterward, the couple tried again.

“We didn’t succeed easily, and by the time we did, I had two more miscarriages. My body simply wasn’t able to sustain the pregnancy past the eighth week.”

But Dorit did not give up. She underwent various treatments until she was referred to a natural medicine practitioner.

“I went to her without even knowing what she treated. She gave me cupping therapy, and I couldn’t breathe for two days because of the pain. She gave me several natural pills to swallow, and I really did get pregnant after six years of not succeeding. It was amazing.”

Then another remarkable moment occurred. Dorit and Avner were staying with her brother in Jerusalem after Dorit became pregnant again. Her brother prayed with Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, of blessed memory, and Dorit asked Avner to request a blessing from him for the pregnancy.

“He said ‘a baby boy’ four times in a row, and it worked. After that, I gave birth to four sons, and everything was fine. After them, I had two more miscarriages, and then I decided that enough was enough. My body had been through enough.”

How did you experience the series of miscarriages?

“My grandmother gave birth to seven children and experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, and even twins who died after a month, but she always had joy in life and gratitude to Hashem. For me, every miscarriage was traumatic. A loss and pain that cannot be endured.

“I remember people asking me why I had only two children, but I didn’t want to share my problems. People should not jump to conclusions, because they don’t know the whole story. Today I share much more, because it is clear to me that my story can give a great deal of inspiration to other people, save lives, and that is what I do today.”

Turning Her Story Into a Mission

After her fifth child was born, Dorit left teaching. Since then, she has given lectures and led various activities for women. In her lecture “Crazy, but Enjoying Every Moment,” she teaches women how to balance the many roles in their lives. In “Healing Through the Power of Faith,” she shares her experience of coping with and healing from cancer.

Dorit also developed a new “baby” of a different kind: “A Good Point for the Family,” a game she created out of a need to help her own son.

“One of my sons, instead of talking and sharing, would only yell, scream, and use the most awful curses possible. Last summer, I decided to create a board game to strengthen communication in the family. It is a game meant to teach us to talk about our feelings, share our experiences, cope with them, and encourage one another. Since we started playing the game at home, the atmosphere has really calmed down.”

The game was released and received an overwhelmingly positive response.

“Every day, I am grateful anew for my ability to take content and package it into an experience that strengthens and encourages a sense of family togetherness, strengthens people, adds goodness to the world, and lets me know that this is my purpose in life.”