Parashat Vayera: The Secret to Raising Children With Values

In Parashat Vayera, the Torah reveals one of the defining qualities of Avraham Avinu (Abraham):

"For I have known him, so that he will command his children and his household after him, and they will keep the way of Hashem, doing righteousness and justice, so that Hashem may bring upon Avraham that which He spoke concerning him" (Genesis 18:19).

At first glance, the verse seems straightforward. Hashem praises Avraham for teaching his children and household to follow the path of righteousness and justice.

But there is one seemingly unnecessary phrase: "after him."

Why does the Torah emphasize that Avraham's children and household will follow his teachings after him? Wouldn't the verse have conveyed the same message without these words?

Rabbi Meir Shapiro of Lublin, known as the Maharam Shapira, offers a profound explanation in his work Imrei Da'at. His interpretation reveals an essential principle about education, parenting, and the lasting influence we have on the next generation.

True Education Begins When the Teacher Is No Longer There

The Maharam Shapira explains that the success of an educator cannot be measured solely by how students behave while they are under the teacher's direct supervision.

A student may listen attentively, follow instructions, and demonstrate admirable behavior while sitting in the classroom. But what happens when the student leaves?

Does the lesson remain with him? Does he continue to live according to the values he was taught, even when his teacher is no longer present?

This, explains the Maharam Shapira, is the true measure of education.

He writes that an educator's influence should not be limited to the period when the student is in constant contact with the teacher. Rather, the educator must impart values, character traits, and a way of life that continue to guide the student long after they have parted ways.

This is the deeper meaning of the Torah's words "after him."

Avraham Avinu did not merely teach his children and household how to behave while he was present. He instilled within them a lasting commitment to the ways of Hashem, ensuring that his teachings would continue to shape their lives even after his passing.

As the Maharam Shapira explains, Avraham passed on a spirit of knowledge and fear of Hashem that was not limited to his own lifetime. His children would continue along his path, observing the Torah and mitzvot even when he was no longer there to guide them.

His teachings had become part of who they were.

This is the essence of genuine education: not simply securing obedience in the moment, but helping children internalize values so deeply that they become an enduring part of their character.

Why Does King David Tell Children to "Go"?

The Maharam Shapira finds support for this idea in a verse from Psalms:

"Come, children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of Hashem" (Psalms 34:12).

The Hebrew word used at the beginning of this verse is lechu, which literally means "go."

This raises an interesting question. If King David is inviting children to listen and learn from him, wouldn't it have been more appropriate to say "Come, children" rather than "Go, children"?

Why would a teacher tell his students to go when he wants them to listen?

According to the Maharam Shapira, this unusual wording contains the same lesson we learn from Avraham Avinu.

King David is teaching us that the purpose of education is not merely to influence students while they are sitting in the beit midrash (study hall), surrounded by their teachers and the atmosphere of Torah learning.

The real goal is for those teachings to accompany them when they leave.

The holiness, values, and fear of Hashem that students absorb during their education must continue to guide them beyond the walls of the classroom.

This is why King David says, "Go, children, listen to me."

Even after you go, even after you leave the place where you were taught, continue to listen to the lessons you received.

If the teachings remain with you wherever life takes you, that is the clearest sign that your education has succeeded.

As the Maharam Shapira explains, when students continue to follow their teacher's guidance after leaving the study hall, it demonstrates that the teacher has truly fulfilled the mission of teaching them the fear of Hashem.

Such an education does not disappear when the lesson ends. Its influence remains.

The Lasting Responsibility of Parents and Educators

This teaching offers an important perspective on the responsibility of parents and educators.

It is natural to focus on a child's immediate behavior. Did they listen? Did they follow the rules? Did they complete what was expected of them?

But the deeper question is what will remain when the parent or teacher is no longer standing beside them.

Will they continue to act with honesty and kindness when no one is watching? Will they make choices guided by the values they were taught, even when those choices are difficult?

The goal is not simply to raise children who know how to follow instructions, but to help them develop an inner sense of responsibility and a genuine commitment to what is right.

This requires more than words. Children must be given an example of the values we want them to carry into their own lives.

Avraham Avinu's greatness lay in his ability to pass on a spiritual legacy that would endure beyond his lifetime. His teachings were not dependent on his physical presence because they had become deeply rooted in the hearts of those he educated.

And that is the message contained in the seemingly simple words "after him."

The greatest success of a parent or teacher is not measured only by what children do while they are being guided, but by the values they continue to uphold long after that guidance is no longer immediately available.

True education leaves an imprint that lasts a lifetime.