A Jewish Perspective on Love, Soulmates, and Faith

Yoav asks: “Hello, a few years ago I was in a relationship with a non-Jewish woman, and after some time I separated from her because of that. Since then I have merited to become more observant — I put on tefillin every day, study the weekly Torah portion, and try to keep Shabbat. Today I regret the sins of my youth; sometimes troubling thoughts and memories resurface. I would like to better understand the reason for the prohibition. Thank you in advance.”

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In continuation of the previous article, which discussed the severity of the prohibition, here I will address the troubling thoughts. But first, I will quote the “golden language” of the Rambam (Maimonides) regarding the severity of a relationship between a Jew and a non-Jewish woman, or a Jewish woman with a non-Jew: “They receive lashes from the Torah, as it is written: ‘You shall not intermarry with them — your daughter you shall not give to his son, and his daughter you shall not take for your son…’ This sin, although it does not carry capital punishment by a court, should not be light in your eyes. For it brings about a loss unlike any other forbidden union.

The child from a forbidden Jewish union is still considered his child and is part of Israel, even if he is a mamzer — but the child from a non-Jewish woman is not his child, as it says: ‘For he will turn your son away from following Me’ — meaning, he removes him from being part of those who follow God. This causes one to cleave to idol-worshippers from whom the Holy One, blessed be He, has separated us, to turn away from God and betray Him.” (Mishneh Torah, Forbidden Relations, ch. 12)

Troubling memories are a test from Heaven. It may be that their purpose is to atone for the forbidden relationship — if you stand firm against them (see Rambam, Laws of Repentance, beginning of ch. 2). But do not mistake these thoughts — or more accurately, these fantasies, as evidence of some “lost love.”

Statistics show that in the modern Western world, one out of every three couples divorces. These are alarming numbers seen throughout the U.S., Europe, and unfortunately even in Israel.

Believe it or not, most of these couples were once “in love.” They were certain they had found true love — but over time it became clear that what they experienced was infatuation, emotional excitement, and idealization of the partner. Moreover, statistics show that most divorces occur among couples who lived together before marriage.

True partnership reveals itself only within a committed married life — in the shared effort, compromise, responsibility, and emotional investment — not in a pre-marital relationship.

From this you can understand that what you experienced with that woman was nothing more than fantasy — not a sign of true love.

Feelings can deceive. So can memories. What you feel today is not necessarily what you will feel tomorrow. True love is built on giving, effort, and long-term commitment — tested through life’s challenges.

Kabbalah teaches that a man and woman are really one soul that was divided into two halves before coming into this world, destined to reunite through marriage: “And he shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”(Bereishit 2:24)

And the Talmud states: “Forty days before the creation of a child, a heavenly voice announces: ‘The daughter of so-and-so is destined for so-and-so.’” (Sotah 2a)

Imagine an angel appearing before you right now and declaring that a particular woman is not the other half of your soul, and that your true match is elsewhere. Would you not listen?

And in your case — it was not an angel who told you, but the King of Kings Himself, the Creator of your soul, Who split it into two and informed you in His holy Torah that your destined match is not among the nations: “You shall not intermarry with them.”(Devarim 7:3)

From this you learn that your true soulmate awaits you among the daughters of Israel, with whom you will, God-willing, soon establish a faithful Jewish home.

Had you remained with that non-Jewish woman — aside from the fact that all your children would not be Jewish, it would only have been a matter of time before you discovered that she was not truly meant for you.

A point for reflection

Many non-Jews today appear polite and refined, but reality shows that much of the world stands against the Jewish people — politically, socially, and culturally. We cannot know what the future holds, but we can trust that God knows what is truly best for us, in this world and in the eternal one.

May you continue to stand strong in your trials, and may you merit to soon build a beautiful Jewish family with your true soulmate — the other half of your soul.

The reward for your self-control and faithfulness to God is immeasurable. Our sages taught: “A mitzvah performed through struggle is greater than one performed without struggle.”

God placed you in a difficult test, and you rose above it. The spiritual reward for resisting a severe transgression is immense — a treasure carried with you forever.

Just as Avraham was willing to sacrifice what was most precious out of love for God, so too every Jew in every generation is called upon to sacrifice what feels emotionally compelling in order to remain faithful to God. There is no greater expression of love than choosing Him.

May you walk forward with strength and peace.