What is Considered Wasting Seed?

Hello and blessings,

It is permissible for a man to engage in marital relations with his wife when she is not in the state of *Niddah*, even though it is clear that she will not become pregnant from these relations [for example, if she is taking contraceptive pills permitted by a Rabbi who ruled that it is dangerous for her to become pregnant]. 

Engaging in relations with one's wife using protection is considered as wasting seed and is forbidden, since this is not the normal way of intercourse. A husband who engages in sexual relations with his wife is required to ensure that the seed is released in the normal place of intercourse, and not outside of it. A man who spills his seed outside, even though he is spilling it as part of the act of marital relations, is equivalent to one who wastes his seed with all the severity of the matter, and this is the sin of *Ervah* and *Onan* about which the Torah writes that they were wicked in the eyes of Hashem and therefore died prematurely due to such sins.

[If the act was done out of coercion, such as if he spills his seed before he managed to have proper intercourse, it is not considered a sin, as long as he did not cause himself to spill it prematurely]. It goes without saying that the release of seed not during the act of sexual relations is strictly forbidden, and it is the terrible sin for which the flood came upon the world.

A single or married man who engages in relations with a woman who is not his wife transgresses additional severe prohibitions, sometimes the prohibition of *Niddah*, sometimes the prohibition of *Eishes ish* (a married woman), and sometimes both, and since most often he engages in these forbidden relations using a 'protective gear' or spills his seed outside, he also transgresses the prohibition of wasting seed.

You should have much success in your commitment - Menashe Israel