How to Pray at the Grave of a Righteous Person?

Greetings,

1. The source for the Jewish custom of going to pray at the graves of the righteous is already found in the words of the Gemara in Tractate Sotah (page 34b), regarding the story of Caleb who separated from the counsel of the spies and went to prostrate at the graves of the forefathers, saying to them: "My forefathers, pray for mercy on my behalf so that I will be saved from the counsel of the spies."

2. It is permissible to go to the graves of the righteous and ask Hashem to fulfill your wishes in the merit of the righteous person buried there. It is also permitted to ask Him to intercede for you in prayer before Hashem.

The prohibition against consulting the dead is when one addresses the righteous person buried there and asks them to fulfill your wishes (see Responsa Yabia Omer volume 4, section Yoreh De'ah, siman 36, sub-section 6, and Hazon Ovadia for the Days of Awe, pages 56-57).

However, when one comes to pray at the graves of the righteous, it is advisable to begin the prayer to Hashem, asking for His help in the merit of all the righteous beings buried there, especially this particular righteous person. This is to avoid the risk of arousing negative judgments against oneself if they are not attached to the specific qualities of this righteous person and are requesting mercy specifically in their merit. Therefore, one should always first pray to Hashem in the merit of all the righteous buried there, especially this particular righteous person who is nearby (see Responsa Teshuvot V’hanhagot volume 3, siman 61, beginning with "And still, it is accepted that").

Blessings,

Hillel Meirs