Is it Permissible to Say to Someone, 'Kapara Alach'?

Greetings,

There is no prohibition against saying to a friend 'kapara alach' (may you be atoned).

Sources: At first glance, it might seem that it is forbidden to say this, as it is stated in Tractate Berakhot (19a) that one should never open one's mouth to the Satan. This is also noted by the Rema in Yoreh De'ah (Shulchan Aruch, 340:2). Additionally, it is stated in Tractate Moed Katan (18a) that a covenant is made with the lips. Furthermore, one is forbidden to curse oneself, as the Rema writes in Choshen Mishpat (27:1).

However, we find in many places that a person may accept upon themselves the punishment that is due to another—just as Rivkah said to Ya'akov (Genesis 27:13), 'Upon me be your curse, my son,' and the Seforno comments there that I must bring upon myself the consequences if a curse befalls you.

Similarly, it is stated in the Mishnah in Sanhedrin (2:1) that when the High Priest is consoled by others, the entire people say to him, 'We are your atonement.' Rabbi Ovadiah of Bartenura comments there that 'you will be atoned,' and 'we are beneath you for all that is fitting to come upon you.' Thus, it is further stated in the Mishnah in Nega'im (2:1) that Rabbi Ishmael says, 'The House of Israel is my atonement,' and the Rambam explains there that he symbolizes their redemption, and it is said with great love as he mentions the worth of their appearance, magnifying his kindness toward them as he says, 'I am their atonement.'

Moreover, it is noted in Tractate Shabbat (89b) that Yitzchak agreed to accept upon himself half of the punishment due to the Jewish people. In Tractate Sukka (20a), it is said that Reish Lakish states, 'I am the atonement of Rabbi Chiya and his sons,' and Rashi explains that the afflictions that come upon me are for the atonement of Rabbi Chiya and his sons, and this is a respectful expression when one mentions his father or teacher after their passing. Thus, it is stated in Tractate Kidushin (31b) that when one reports something they heard from their father within twelve months of his passing, they should say, 'Thus said my father, I am the atonement for his resting place,' and Rashi explains that all evil that is fitting to come upon his soul should come upon me. This is also noted in Shulchan Aruch Yoreh De'ah (157:9) and again in the same work (174:28) concerning one's teacher. Additionally, it is discussed in Tractate Sanhedrin (48b) that all the curses that David cursed Yoav were fulfilled upon David's descendants since Shlomo accepted them upon himself. Thus, it is clear from all the aforementioned sources that it is permissible for a person to accept upon themselves punishment due to another.

Nevertheless, an explanation is still needed as to why it is permissible for a person to accept punishment of another, and there is no concern in this case of cursing oneself. It would seemingly be appropriate to say that the prohibition against cursing oneself only applies when it is conceivable that one brings upon themselves harm that was not destined to come at all; however, when this harm was indeed meant to come upon a specific person due to their sins and one takes the punishment upon themselves, there is no prohibition of cursing oneself. This is also elaborated in the book Lir'ach Kamocha part 1, chapter 7, note 118. For further reference, see the responsa BeTzel HaChochma part 6, Siman 18-20 and the responsa Shevut Ya'akov part 10, Siman 158 and the book Chazon Ovadiah on Mourning part 3, page 167.

Based on the above, it appears there is no prohibition against saying to a friend, 'kapara alach,' and see the book Yalkut Yosef, A Treasury of Laws for Women and Daughters (page 463) which states that some say a mother should not say to her son, 'I am your atonement' due to the concern of opening a mouth to the Satan, while some mock women who behave this way, saying there is no concern at all, therefore one need not prevent their wife from saying this. Also, see the note there regarding this matter.

Blessings,

Hillel Meirs