עברית
Relationships
Relationships Before Marriage
Question
Hello, Honorable Rabbi,
I have been in a relationship for two and a half years, and we have been living together for a year and a half. We are both returning to our faith; he has been strengthening himself for four years and I for two. There is a gap, but he never forces me to do anything that does not come from me; he has never told me to observe Shabbat or dress modestly—it's all come from me. However, since we have been living together, we have had many arguments, especially about Shabbat. Sometimes it feels like he does not really listen to my needs; we barely spend time together, and he is not particularly romantic, and I am not a particularly romantic person either, but I still miss the courtship. He can go two days without hugging me, and when I mention it, he says he didn't even realize, which hurts because I have told him how much that makes me feel loved. Could it be that living together but not being married is affecting the relationship? We have talked about marriage several times, but it seems that he has no intention of taking that step in the near future. I would appreciate some advice.
By the way, we also have not replaced the mezuzah since we entered the apartment, and we have discussed it several times, but he said he would buy a mezuzah every time I remind him, yet nothing happens.
Answer
Hello and blessings,
Since living together without marriage is considered sinful, so is any contact, and certainly hugging, which is strictly forbidden. It is clear that there is no divine assistance when living together in a manner that is prohibited. This is the reason that peace does not truly dwell in your home. All the more so on Shabbat Kodesh, when your spiritual level is higher, your souls feel the lack of the forbidden shared life, which creates significant tension between you.
Moreover, the very act of living together distances marriage further and further, as there is no reason to commit when you have everything without commitment, and that is simply the case.
In light of all that has been said, I suggest you send a phone number, and we would be happy to assist you, b’ezrat Hashem.
Good luck,
Benjamin Shmueli
