Why According to the Torah a Man Who Cheats Does Not Undergo the Same Process as a Sotah Woman

To the esteemed inquirer, 

Apologies for the delayed response. 

According to the Torah, a woman cannot receive punishment for adultery as a sotah unless the husband is also free from wrongdoing on his part. Thus, in that respect, they are equal. In any case, here we explain with Hashem's help why the punishment of sotah appears in the Torah for the woman and not for the man: The primary connection of marriage from the husband’s side requires taking responsibility. As expressed in the ketubah (marriage contract), the husband commits to provide for his wife and fulfill all her needs in the most excellent way. When polygamy was possible, the husband was required to judge for himself whether he could marry and take responsibility for more souls, with all their needs. Even if he judged he could marry more than one woman, he must not diminish in fulfilling the needs of each one, as stated in the Shulchan Aruch. This does not relate to the internal emotional relationship with each wife; since they are all his wives and special to him, it is not considered betrayal regarding what he gives the second wife. At least with regard to unequal feelings among the husband’s wives, this pertains to character refinement. Just as every couple must balance peace in their home, so too in the days when the Torah law was practiced, there was an obligation upon the husband to balance his feelings to maintain the internal harmony between wife and wife. In any event, all this is not applicable to us nowadays, for over a thousand years, Rabbeinu Gershom decreed cherem (ban) on Ashkenazic communities forbidding polygamy. Even among Sephardi communities, over time it became customary that almost no one marries more than one wife, even though it is permitted by Torah law. The reason is that since then, men no longer have the capacity to bear the responsibility mentioned above, until we reach our days where one sees that a man can barely shoulder the responsibility of marriage with one wife. Since for the reasons above it is permitted for a man to marry more than one wife, the man is not prohibited to his wife by taking another woman. ~~~ On the other hand, a woman’s role is not to "take responsibility" over the husband but to support him. By supporting him she directly causes all his success. As our sages of blessed memory said: blessing is found only through the merit of the woman. Spiritually too, she merits a direct share in her husband’s successes, since she causes all his success. One of the essential components of her support is her exclusivity to her husband alone. If a woman cheats, Heaven forbid, she thereby violates the very essence of her role in the marriage. ~~~ Therefore, it is found that the reason in the Torah for the difference in obligations between the woman and man is due to their differing rectifications, according to their natural endowment from the Creator for their distinct roles. With blessings, Rabbi Nachum