Faith
11-Month Memorial
Question
In the merit of Hashem:
1. My father, of blessed memory, passed away and was buried on 6/9/20, 17 Elul 5780. When should I go at the 11-month mark, and what exactly should I do?
2. My mother passed away on 6 Tishrei 5773, 22/09/12. They are buried one above the other. Can I go to the gravesite and hold a memorial for both on the same date? There is a two-week difference. Or must each be done separately? And if so, on what date for both? The question is according to Sephardi customs.
Many thanks
Answer
Shalom,
1. The main memorial is on the yahrzeit, that is, 17 Elul.
However, there are Sephardim who customarily hold an additional memorial at the completion of 11 months, and this falls on 17 Av. They observe there all the memorial customs: lighting a candle, study, visiting the gravesite, etc.
And this is the wording of Yalkut Yosef, Aveilut (siman 40, section 3): Some customarily hold a meal on the night marking the completion of eleven months, and on the night marking the completion of twelve months. They arrange study for the elevation of the soul of the deceased, and each person should follow the custom of his community. In any case, the main memorial is at the completion of twelve months, and the memorial held on the night of the eleventh month is merely a custom. Therefore, if some difficulty arises in arranging a meal on the night of the eleventh month, it is possible to suffice with arranging study and the like, and they should hold the meal at the completion of the twelfth month.
2. One should go for each one separately: for your father, of blessed memory, on 17 Elul, and for your mother, of blessed memory, on 6 Tishrei.
May you merit to hear only good tidings,
Hillel Meirs
