Halachot and Customs
What Is the Halacha Regarding Speaking Between Women and Men
Guidance on Greeting Men and Speaking Courteously
Question
Hello, Rabbi.
I work in a place with many secular people, and often the boys say hello to me and ask questions. They feel very open with me, because I am the kind of person who cares that people should not say, These religious women, and there should not be a desecration of Hashem. We have Hasidic girls among us who do not say thank you if one of the boys opens the door for them at the entrance to work. So I wanted an answer, because I know that according to halacha one may not even say hello to men, but on the other hand it is uncomfortable for me that I work with them and cannot return a greeting. I also spoke with one of the boys, who said that he really does not understand and was hurt by the attitude of the Hasidic girls, so I would like an exact answer about what to do in this matter. It is not only at work; it is everywhere, even with the secular neighbors in the building who come down and say hello. Am I not supposed to answer?
Thank you very much.
Answer
To the questioner,
As I understand it, the rule in halacha is to proceed in the average manner, and not in an extreme manner.
Of course, one should not prolong conversation unnecessarily with boys, and all the more so one should not continue a conversation with them on any occasion when levity arises in the conversation.
But if someone opens the door for you, you may say thank you; if you see a person in the morning, you may say or answer: Good morning, good afternoon, etc., because these are only expressions of courtesy, and one does not need to go to the extreme of saying nothing on any occasion. [It is also true that, according to halacha, it is preferable to say Good morning, etc., rather than to say the word hello or ask after their welfare, such as How are you feeling, which is not fitting; instead, you can easily say What is up or How is it today.] These responses will likewise help in the manner of courtesy toward your secular neighbors.
However, in any case, do not be too lenient in continuing a conversation with some boy, for our Sages have already said, There is no guardian against transgression, and levity leads to transgression, may Heaven have mercy.
It is also fitting for you to pray every day to Hashem before you enter work, that you be saved from the tests, and that you should not cause any boy improper thoughts or attachment, and that you yourself should not become emotionally attached to any of them - only that you should preserve yourself until the time comes when Hashem reveals your true match, and the building of your home will be in holiness and with great closeness of heart with your husband, with Hashems help.
With blessings for divine assistance,
Rabbi Nachum
