Religious Homosexuals

I would ask for your response to this document. As the mother of a religious young man with same-sex attraction, I believe it is appropriate that the rabbis approve this document and strengthen the hands of the Hod organization. 

*** With Hashem's help 

Principled document for people with homosexual orientation in the religious community 

Simple humanity, the moral imperative, and public responsibility in the reality of our time dictate that it is no longer possible to ignore the phenomenon of religious homosexuals and its scope, and one must not evade discussion of so sensitive and painful an issue, whose consequences for those involved and for their families are so far-reaching. 

Opening words on Judaism

A Jewish person as an individual is part of the Jewish people, the chosen people, a light unto the nations - a blessing for all the families of the earth. We believe that there is no person without purpose, and that no one lacks a mission. Sometimes the mission is terrible and difficult, and there is nothing in it of the fulfillment of personal dreams. And perhaps exactly the life of one who must contend with a complex mission can become a life of greater meaning than all others, because it is a life of struggle, of creation out of pain, of a deep bond that can be formed with Hashem specifically through distress, and of many other things. The starting point should be that life has very deep meaning, and that instead of thinking about the unwillingness to contend with such a life, because of family or environment, a person can think about the great battle he is about to wage, with chances of winning it, and be full of confidence and joy that he is doing the right thing.

The fundamental mitzvot of Judaism 

The mitzvah of V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha is important and essential in Judaism, among the 613 mitzvot. It was defined by Rabbi Akiva as a great principle in the Torah. It and the mitzvah of V'ahavta et Hashem Elokecha are two foundations of the Torah of Israel. According to Judaism, every person, regardless of whether his deeds are good or bad, whether he is Jewish or not, a gentile or an apikores, gay or straight, was created in the image of Hashem. Only when human beings learn to love and respect one another will they succeed in seeing in the other the divine soul. In the prophecies of Isaiah and Jeremiah, Hashem has a very clear message: He is angry at the hypocrisy of the people, who do keep Shabbat, pray, and bring sacrifices, but trample one another and forget the mitzvot between man and his fellow. Rav Kook zt'l taught us, when asked once why he treated Jews who had strayed from religion with such kindness. He gave an answer that every observant Jew would do well to inscribe in his memory, and it speaks for itself: It is better that I should stumble in unconditional love than, Heaven forbid, in baseless hatred. 

The value of family in Judaism 

There is no doubt that marriage and bringing children into the world are supreme values in Judaism. Where there is potential for a healthy and stable marriage, open and honest, one must respond positively to the divine commandment of pru u'rvu. Marriage and procreation are an integral part of the covenant of Avraham Avinu. 

Halacha and homosexuality 

Halacha deals with sexual activities, but not with sexual identities. In halacha there is no such thing as homosexual identity - there are sexual urges that must be controlled. Halacha does not condemn homosexuality, but rather the act forbidden by our Torah - mishkav zachar. As in most matters in the Torah, we do not know precisely why - it is the Torah of Hashem, and we do not fathom the mind of the Creator of the world. Nevertheless, we try to understand as best we can. Religion did not commit itself to being an answer to everything. More than that, religion is not an answer precisely, but a huge question touching on the purpose of the world and of man within it. Faith is the special connection with the Creator of the world, sometimes living in full harmony within a person, but sometimes the person is required to sacrifice in order to stand in the exaltedness of the connection with Hashem. One who seeks to strengthen himself in the path of Torah must not deceive himself, and must not think that this can be done without taking upon himself a yoke. Even the yoke of mitzvot is taken with love. The yoke of mitzvot is a yoke, like the yoke of full struggle, and through it love emerges from the deeper levels that this yoke elevates and exalts us to, beyond its being a mitzvah of Hashem. In practical terms, the focus of a religious homosexual person should be on what is permitted, and certainly it is permitted for a man to love another man. Bonds of love and friendship between men have existed throughout the generations, b'Hashem, and there is no man who does not love other men. The prohibition is known with regard to mishkav zachar, and therefore also its periphery connected to sexual matters. 

A description of the situation of Hod 

The question that Hod ask themselves now and ask the community of shomrei Torah u'mitzvot is, after integrating the fact that they are homosexuals into their lives: Being homosexual, what does the G-d of Israel require from me? On the one hand, the religious public must continue to cling to the sanctity of the family; on the other hand, the religious public, its leaders, and its rabbis must care for some of those with same-sex orientation who cannot marry a woman, and encourage them to continue keeping all the mitzvot they are capable of keeping. This is not a recognition of a new path of life open to anyone who wishes, but rather a recognition of others among us who cannot fulfill the supreme value of marriage, out of a perception that Judaism is not a matter of all or nothing. The issue of those with homosexual orientation is among the most difficult issues in the world of life and in the world of Judaism. It is a path that for many people is without an exit. Some of those people would be willing to do anything to change their orientation, but cannot do so. The inability of some of those Hod to change, together with the mistaken policy toward them on the part of some of the religious public of all or nothing, may bring them to a dead end and to situations of pikuach nefesh. Regarding adolescents who are struggling with their sexual orientation, on the one hand, the religious public must continue to educate them according to the sanctity of the family and keep them within the framework of the only life path for a religious person; on the other hand, one must identify and assist those adolescents who need professional psychological help in dealing with the phenomenon of suicide and emotional distress. One must carefully consider any attempt at intervention to direct the sexual orientation of adolescents, since such intervention entails more risks for the adolescent than the benefit, which is in any case doubtful. The observance of the Torah prohibition of mishkav zachar, of which it is said t'evah, is a difficult trial that the homosexual person must endure, an immense trial with almost no parallel in any system of Torah and mitzvot (for example, refraining from the prohibition of niddah). At the same time, the thought that this pain can be repaired by changing the halacha is fundamentally mistaken. A homosexual person who transgresses the prohibition is in the category of a mumar l'teavon and not a mumar l'hachis, and therefore he must not be rejected from the religious community. A person who is drawn to his own sex, and does not violate the prohibition of m'z, deserves true understanding and compassion, because this is not a choice. His sexuality is what it is, all the more so if that Jewish homosexual person is shomer Torah u'mitzvot. 

The central message of the principles 

The primary initial message we wish to convey to the religious homosexual is that he should not abandon his religious way of life, and should not give up observance of the mitzvot because of that one concrete mitzvah that may overshadow his consciousness as a Jew loyal to the Torah. Judaism is not a matter of all or nothing, a righteous person does good in the land and does not sin, and each person must strive in the service of the Creator in the state and at the point where he stands. The observant Jewish community, when it adopts a stringent approach to the problem of accepting many people into its midst, risks pushing them away from everything connected to religion, halacha, and tradition, simply because they feel that none of these has anything left to do with them. Taking an intolerant approach constitutes placing a stumbling block before the blind, because the absence of human compassion will only further destroy that person's devotion to Judaism. We believe in the strength of the religious Jewish society and in the strength of its values and faith, and only thanks to these and to careful observance of them will the inclusion of Hod among us be possible. Therefore, this inclusion does not in any way pose a real threat or undermine the strength of the foundations of the religious society and its values. Serious halachic discussion on the matter must continue. Therefore, below are the points of this document: 

a. There is no definitive information regarding the source of homosexual orientation. A certain percentage of people in every public are deeply and internally convinced that they have homosexual orientation, and they are unable to change this. This also applies to those who made enormous efforts to change and did not succeed. 

b. Mishkav zachar - unlike the orientation itself - is what is absolutely and entirely forbidden in the Torah of Israel. This is a very difficult trial that the homosexual person must endure. 

c. In the present reality, the struggle of the homosexual person involves not insignificant emotional difficulties; therefore, one may recommend that a person who wishes to do so share this struggle with a qualified professional in the field of mental health, provided that this is done with full and complete disclosure to the patient regarding the proposed treatment, its chances of success, and its risks. No one method should be seen as the ultimate and exclusive path. 

d. A homosexual person must not be required to marry, since marriage is not the sole solution to homosexuality. Encouraging a homosexual person to marry without explicitly disclosing the matter to the woman is a stumbling block before the blind and a moral wrong toward the spouse. The ability to marry includes not only readiness for pru u'rvu but suitability for a proper and moral relationship. 

e. One who accuses and insults homosexuals because of their orientation transgresses the prohibitions of between man and his fellow. 

f. All obligations between man and his fellow also apply toward a person with homosexual orientation, and there is an absolute prohibition against expressions of hatred and violence toward him. He is meant to be a member of the religious community in every respect. This includes being counted in a minyan, receiving an aliyah, going up for the priestly blessing, and the like; he is fit to testify, and his treatment is no different from that of any other Jew. 

g. It is important to encourage a homosexual person to keep all the mitzvot even if he fails in one particular mitzvah. A policy of all or nothing is not the way of Jewish halacha. Every Jewish person has the obligation to keep all the mitzvot and do everything possible to walk in the ways of the Torah. The ways of the service of Hashem differ from person to person, and so too does the struggle of a person who believes he has homosexual orientation. 

h. Homosexuals should be in the community together with all of Am Yisrael, but it is very important to establish support groups for homosexual people. Such organizations are organizations of chesed. If a homosexual person has someone close who can share the matter with him in order to receive support and help, it is preferable that he do so. 

i. A homosexual person who is not marrying should be encouraged to engage in Torah and keep all the mitzvot, both between man and Hashem and between man and his fellow, and to develop his various abilities for the sake of the great goals that Hashem designated for Israel. 

It is preferable to consult a rabbi on this issue. 

Thank you very much for your response, Tzvia