Why Is It Forbidden for Boys to Look at Girls

With Hashem's help.

Hello and blessings,

Judaism tells us about prophetesses and righteous women such as our matriarch Sarah, the prophetess Deborah, Queen Esther, and others. Judaism requires every husband to honor his wife and be careful with her dignity. Therefore, in a truly Jewish home, a husband will never raise his voice at his wife or speak to her rudely, but will relate to her as a queen. It is told of R. Aryeh Levin that one day he went to the doctor with his wife, and he said to the doctor: "Doctor, my wife's leg hurts - ours!"

A woman has a holy soul, and she is not impure. On the contrary, since she is a daughter of the King, she should be honored, and not treated like an object that passes from one to another, as unfortunately happens in the Western world... Every man changes a number of women in his life until he marries one; he breaks hearts and they break his heart, and he carries with him scars and memories that are harmful to married life. Therefore, even after marriage, cases of adultery and betrayal are found in abundance. Statistics show that in Western society, every third couple in Israel divorces!

There is something very seriously flawed here. Today, many girls in secular schools lose their innocence even before they reach the age of 12... This is not a normal situation.

All these flaws begin with a lack of modesty, with a lack of separation, which creates tests in places of study and in workplaces.

The evil inclination of a person's heart is evil from his youth. Why do you think boys would want to look at girls, if not to enjoy their beauty and to have thoughts about them? Why would they want to chat with girls if not to develop feelings of affection and laughter that lead to emotional closeness and connection?

However, the bond between man and woman is holy, and cannot be made casually.

The Torah is the manufacturer's instruction manual for the human being, and one who acts according to the laws of the Torah will merit to build an exemplary family and be happy, while one who acts against the laws of the Torah will bring unnecessary suffering upon himself. The Torah was given to benefit us.

In the Torah it is stated: "So Hashem created man in His image, in the image of Hashem He created him; male and female He created them" (Genesis 1:28).

All souls are, from the beginning, holy and pure. The Creator of man wanted them to merit happiness, and therefore directed them to fulfill His Torah with simplicity: "You shall be wholehearted with Hashem your G-d" (Deuteronomy 18:13). Without cleverness or loopholes.

There are people who go according to the stubbornness of their hearts with various clevernesses and excuses, sometimes ingenious in their sophistication, but they choose a crooked path against the true will of the Torah, thinking that in their special case they will do as they wish and succeed. King Solomon, of blessed memory, said: "Only this have I found: that Hashem made man upright, but they sought out many schemes" (Ecclesiastes 7:29). And in the end they harm themselves: "The folly of a man perverts his way, and his heart frets against Hashem" (Proverbs 19:3).

Regarding the pure bond between man and woman, there exists an awe-inspiring holiness beyond compare, to the extent that their union was represented in the Sanctuary by the two cherubim upon the Ark of the Covenant - the Holy of Holies of the people of Israel. Hashem's love for Israel was likened in the Song of Songs to the intense love of a man and a woman. But for precisely this reason, the opposite bond - the forbidden and inappropriate one - is the most serious for the soul.

Hashem despises immorality (Sanhedrin 106a), because it causes the loss of families in Israel, betrayals and mistrust, divorce, and a state of "orphans" to living parents - children who lose their childhood forever because their parents separated; it is an immense force capable of lying, misleading, and blinding even the wisest person, causing him to build a mistaken relationship, and leaving in his heart the most terrible scars that can be caused to the Jewish soul. More than that, it impairs the astonishing union of souls in this world and in the World to Come - for the soul of the man and the woman are meant to unite again in Gan Eden into one eternal soul, which may, Heaven forfend, be lost forever!

The marriage bond is therefore like fire, which when used properly purifies, warms, and illuminates with a wonderful and nourishing light, but woe to one who uses it improperly - for then it will bring ruin upon himself and all those close to him. As great as the holiness, so great is the impurity on the opposing side, and therefore this prohibition is so severe - precisely because it is meant to be a wondrous, holy, and astonishing pleasure beyond compare when used properly!

Therefore, Hashem requires us to distance ourselves from forbidden relations: "You shall not approach to uncover nakedness; I am Hashem" (Leviticus 18:6), "That your camp may be holy, so that He see no indecent thing among you and turn away from you" (Deuteronomy 23:15), "When you go forth as a camp against your enemies, then you shall keep yourself from every evil thing" (Deuteronomy 23:10).

The laws of modesty are intended to separate between the sexes, thereby preventing the evil inclination from blinding us in choosing a spouse, and Heaven forfend, in losing a spouse. For one who follows desires and gives free rein to externals to blind him will ultimately stumble and fall into transgressions, and not only he, but also his sons and daughters. Today, young people carry in their hearts scars from countless failed relationships since childhood, and the immodest connection they created makes it difficult for them afterward to connect with the one chosen for them truly, with heart and soul.

Hashem wants us to enjoy His world in the best possible way, and this is achieved only by proper use, like any delicate object for which one must learn its instructions. One who deviates from the rules handed down by the Torah causes himself unnecessary distress, and it is a pity for him.

However, it is important to understand that the Torah does not want us to extinguish our desires and kill them, but rather to restrain them like heroes, and to lead them like a driver leading his donkey and ruling over it, not allowing the donkey to lead him.

Aside from the fact that a pure Jew will be a more faithful and better husband to his wife thanks to his strength in matters of modesty, he will also be a better father to his children. A strong father merits strong sons. A weak father, poor sons.

Man's purpose is to enjoy, and of course one must not forget that the place of supreme happiness is the World to Come, as the Ramchal writes in the first chapter of Mesillat Yesharim:

"And behold, what our Sages taught us is that man was created only to delight in Hashem and to enjoy the radiance of His Presence, which is the true delight and the greatest of all delights that can exist. And the place of this delight in truth is the World to Come, for it was created with the preparation necessary for this matter. But the path by which to reach this desired destination is this world. And this is what they, of blessed memory, said (Avot 4:16): 'This world is like a corridor before the World to Come.' And the means that bring a person to this purpose are the mitzvot that the blessed Hashem commanded us. And the place for performing the mitzvot is only this world."

With blessings,

Daniel Bels