Halachot and Customs
Limits Set by Parents for Children Over Age 18
Question
Hello, honored Rabbi.
I am over 18 and wanted to know whether I am still obligated to listen to the rules and boundaries my parents set in the house, such as not coming home late and similar things. I think that because I am an adult, I now choose which boundaries are appropriate and which are not, and even if there is something that is halachic and I choose not to do it, my parents should accept that. But my parents do not think so, and they still forbid me from doing things, and it feels a bit suffocating. My question is: how far does the boundary they can set for me extend, and do I still need to listen to these rules?
Thank you very much!
Answer
Hello and blessings,
I will begin with something straightforward: the laws of halacha are in no way dependent on parents, and they are observed in every situation. That is very simple.
With regard to the rules your parents set for you, when they are matters of house rules, such as arriving by a certain time and the like, you certainly must obey them. Even very grown adults who live in someone else’s home must obey the house rules of the home where they live. This is not a sign of disrespect, and it does not show childishness; on the contrary, it shows maturity and consideration for the environment around you.
As for personal matters of your own, such as when you are in your room and are not disturbing anyone and you want to stay awake while your parents have instructed you to sleep, you may use a flashlight and stay awake when they do not see. The same applies to other matters that, as we said, do not contradict halacha and do not disturb the household.
Likewise, be careful that your parents do not see your actions when you do things against their wishes, because then it damages honoring parents.
Success,
Binyamin Shmueli
