עברית
Halachot and Customs
Is it Permissible for a Man to Remove Hair from His Body if It Disturbs His Wife
Question
I find it very important. Is it permissible for a man to shave his underarm hair and pubic hair if it disturbs his wife? Another question, is it permissible to remove chest hair permanently with laser hair removal? Because it somewhat bothers my wife! One small question, sorry, is it permissible to remove throat hair with laser permanently just below the chin so that the beard finishes in a stripe and doesn't look messy, because it bothers me visually, and if laser removal is not allowed, is it permissible to shave with a razor on the throat below the chin? Thank you in advance, this is very important to me.
Answer
Dear Inquirer,
Apologies for the delay in responding.
It is evident from the Gemara in Shabbat (n:) that if a man engages in an act of beautification, although his intention is to prevent himself from suffering (and not solely for beautification), it is permitted.
Therefore, one who removes hair from other places on the body (such as the underarms and pubic area), where women do not typically do so, if he does this due to personal distress and not for beautification, is permitted.
Regarding your question related to marital harmony, seemingly the man’s reason for removing the hair is that his wife is distressed by it, and thus, in the end, he experiences distress from her suffering. His intention in removing the hair is not solely for beautification—he does not wish to beautify himself. Therefore, it is permissible for him to remove chest hair with laser removal, as demonstrated by the aforementioned Gemara.
However, concerning underarm and pubic hair, which are more severe in this regard because it is the way for women to beautify themselves, one must inquire at the laser treatment company whether it is common for many men (Jews) to do so [not just a few individuals]. If you ascertain that it is indeed customary, and a significant portion of men do this, it will be considered an accepted practice of beautification that is also common among men and not just limited to women—then it would be permissible to remove them with laser. But if it remains primarily associated with women (or even if just one of them is not practiced by men, such as if there is a substantial percentage of men who remove underarm hair, but not to that extent for pubic hair), then it remains prohibited, and it is forbidden for him to remove such hair; and we do not find an allowance regarding this prohibition due to personal distress.
Concerning beard hair, this involves a separate prohibition of shaving the corners of the beard, which is already a doubt of a Torah prohibition, and there is no room to permit removal in a shaving manner (or with laser—which, as I understand, also cuts the hair at the level of the skin, and thus is like a razor) in the area of the beard tips that are at the chin itself.
Regarding the throat area, if you are careful not to get close at all to the chin or cheekbones (because often when one takes care to shave, they also pull hairs whose natural growth is on one of the beard corners, which is forbidden), then there are those who permit it, see:
Best regards,
Rabbi Nachum
