עברית
Women
Family Purity, Arguments, and Night of Immersion
Question
Hello, esteemed Rabbi, I got married a year ago and immediately became pregnant. I decided that after giving birth, I want to observe Niddah and immerse in the Mikvah. Right after the birth, my husband and I had endless arguments that nearly led to divorce, resulting in a situation where we had not been together for six months, and I also did not immerse in the Mikvah. I immersed for the first time last week, and on that very day (after a calm period), we argued again. I have several questions regarding this:
1. Is it necessary to engage in marital relations on the day of immersion, even if there was a significant fight with my husband?
2. Is it better to immerse and not have relations or to refrain from immersing altogether? How can I explain to my husband the importance of the Mikvah and observing Niddah? My husband did not rush for us to be intimate, and I was offended, so a few days after the immersion, we still had not engaged in marital relations. What do you recommend I do about this? My husband is a Kohen.
Best regards and thank you.
Answer
Greetings,
The dispute is the way the evil inclination seeks to ruin the holy night— the night of immersion. One must do everything possible to conclude the dispute and act wisely. Do not seek to blame others for the disagreement but to find a path to peace. Already on that night, make every effort to establish peace and engage in marital relations. It is clear that one should not forsake observing Niddah according to the law, but after you have immersed, you should encourage your husband to be intimate with you even if he appears to be sulking about your observance of purity.
Do make every effort today to be intimate with your husband in the best possible way, and thus you will achieve peace in the home.
In any case, it is highly recommended to consult a professional couple's counselor who can find the root of the disagreement between you and instill peace, tranquility, and fellowship as appropriate.
Best of luck,
Binyamin Shmueli
