Wedding Ring: Silver or Gold? Round or Square?

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 It is a practice in Israel to sanctify a woman specifically with the giving of a ring, and the ring has already been established in the fixed wording of the kiddushin (sanctification): "Behold you are sanctified to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel." It is a fundamental custom in establishing a faithful household in Israel. The first source in which the ring is mentioned as a means of kiddushin is in the Tikunei Zohar, which presents several times the custom of sanctifying with a ring, in the introduction to Tikun 5 (page 19a) it is stated: "And when she is a sealed one, she is from the great mother, and thus the place is identified as a square, and therefore the groom says to the bride, 'You shall be sanctified with this ring' etc., meaning:

When the intellect is sealed, it hints to the greatness of the verse: 'to increase the dominion.' It has been passed down that it is a sealed writing, and thus it is made as a kind of square ring, and for this reason the groom says to the bride, 'You shall be sanctified with this ring which has this shape' etc. [Translation: A sweet number from honey].

Likewise in Tikun 10 (page 25b), it is stated: "And because the ring is shaped as the letter 'yud' in its form, therefore she is sanctified with it, and the groom needs to place the ring on the finger of the bride whose shape is like the letter 'vav.'

The ring is round on the inside and square on the outside: From the language of these Tikunei Zohar, it is seemingly clarified that the form of the kiddushin ring that hints at the sealed writing is indeed square in the form of a sealed writing [It should be noted that the meaning of the word "ring" in Hebrew does not necessarily mean specifically made in a circle; for in the construction of the Mishkan (Tabernacle), there were round rings on its vessels, while for the planks of the Mishkan, the rings connecting the planks from above were square and not round].

 For this reason, the holy gaon Mahar'ia from Kamirna wrote in Zohar Chai (in his preface to part one, page 4a) that one should sanctify with a ring that is in the form of a sealed writing, as he states: "Thus, a ring should be made as instructed by my teacher and rabbi [the holy gaon Morh'r Tzvi Hirsh of Zhidachov, author of Ateret Tzvi] which is square on the outside and round on the inside etc., and it is for a good sign and good fortune so that there will not be two opposites, Heaven forbid, but they will give birth to one another and connect in a proper and holy union in purity."

Furthermore, it is stated in Zohar Chai (on page 20b) thus: "I received from my teacher, my uncle the Holy Tzvi that the kiddushin ring should be round on the inside and square on the outside in a complete square like two doors etc.; and he who makes a kiddushin ring like this from the property of her husband will be assured that his wife will not be barren all her days" etc. See there.

Most righteous people have the custom to take a round ring: However, it is known that most of the great authorities of generations, and even the great ones among Kabbalists and the giants of Hasidism whose practices are usually based on Kabbalah did not establish that the kiddushin ring be made in a square like a sealed one, but they followed the simple custom in Jewish communities to sanctify with a regular round ring, both on the inside and outside. Under one of the bushes, the holy gaon Rabbi Yoel of Satmar said once that most of the righteous people have the custom to take a round ring for kiddushin [From the testimony of the great Rabbi Gavriel Tzinzer, who heard from his holy mouth, as brought in his work Halachot Nissuin, chapter 21, section 4, note 9], and it is clarified among the sages of Jerusalem, the Sephardi Kabbalists from the disciples of the holy gaon Rabbi Shalom Sharabi, that the custom is to sanctify with a round ring and not a square one, as their reason is that from the words of the Ari z"l regarding the strap of tefillin that wraps around the finger of the middle finger, it is made clear that the ring of kiddushin is round, as he wrote in Sha'ar HaKavonot (discourses on tefillin, discourse 5): "And after he has already put on the tefillin of the head, which is his wife, he should give her the kiddushin, which is the secret of the wrapping of the strap around the middle finger which is called 'amma' like the round kiddushin ring placed on her finger etc."

Furthermore, the Sh'lah HaKadosh (in Sha'ar HaOtiyot, regarding the sanctity of marriage, letter 71) brought a clear text from the tailor [who was one of the great Kabbalists of the ancients], and this is his language: "For the ring we use to sanctify is round in the shape of the letter 'yud' in the name" etc.

 Reasons for the customs to sanctify with a ring of gold or of silver: In most Jewish communities the custom has spread along with the ring custom also an additional adherence that the ring should specifically be of gold, as stated by the Mordechai (in the first chapter of Kiddushin, section 85) and brought above: "The people have a custom to sanctify with a ring of gold without a precious stone," and the words of Rabbi Yehuda b. Rabbi Barzilai the Barchaloni z"l in the Book of Shtarot (in the sixth document - document of engagement): "The world customarily sanctifies with a ring of gold," and so it is reported from Rabbi Shimshon b. Rabbi Avraham in the notes of the Maimonides in his Responsa (in the responsa concerning halacha of marriage, section 19): "And although the people usually sanctify with gold" etc.

 And in the Knesset G'dolah (section 31, letter B), it is written: "Our custom today is to sanctify with a ring of gold." And in the Shulchan Eizer (section 8, section 1, note 22), it is written: "So it is customary in all places and in all exiles of Israel to sanctify with a ring of gold." And it is expressed in the Minhag of Wedding (Chapter 9, letter 7) in the language of the writing in the work of the Mishkan (Exodus 26:29): 'Their rings you shall make of gold.'

 There is also a tradition from the descendants of the Holy Jew from Parshischa z"l that one should sanctify with a ring of gold [As brought in the Otzar HaPoskim, volume 10, page 575], and during the wedding of the holy Rebbe Moshe of Lelov z"l to the daughter of the Holy Jew, the father of the groom, Rabbi David of Lelov wanted him to sanctify with a ring of silver but ultimately consented later to his father-in-law, the holy Jew, to sanctify with a ring of gold, [As brought in the Book of Nissuin Kehilchata, chapter 7, note 14].

Reasons for the custom to sanctify with a ring of gold: Our later Rabbis have explained in various ways the reason for the care taken to sanctify specifically with a ring of gold according to their ways in the paths of Pardes.

 The gaon Rabbi Shalom Bouzaglo z"l in his book Kisseh Melech to the Tikunei Zohar (Tikkun 5) explained, and this is his language: "And therefore the male sanctifies her with the superior gold ring, hinting at Binah (understanding) and hinting at the letter 'yud' from the cover in Binah," [Shulchan Eizer, section 8, section 1, note 1]. So that the daughters of Israel should not be as waste: The gaon Rabbi Yitzhak Palagi z"l in his book Yafeh Leiv (section 31, letter A) wrote a reason based on revealed knowledge why they sanctify specifically with gold, because since it is the most precious metal, one should sanctify with it in order that the daughters of Israel should not be seen as available.

Hint to behavior in modesty: The gaon Rabbi Rahamim Nissim Yitzhak Palagi z"l, son of the gaon Mahari Palagi in his book Nefesh Hayafa (in the section L) gave a reason because gold is a metal that makes its sound the lowest of all other metals, thus they sanctify specifically with the ring of "gold," and this hints that for a good woman, silence is very much desired and it is not fitting or appropriate for her voice to be heard loudly. Therefore, they sanctify her with gold, whose voice is low and does not sound out in holiness like gold.

To hint that their home shall be a lasting edifice: In the book Chazon Yeshayahu (page 87) a reason is given to sanctify with a ring of gold based on what is written in the book Sha'ar HaShamayim (section 2, gate 2) that gold does not rust even over a long time and does not decay in the earth, because the strength of the bond of its parts does not undergo change or upset, and thus it does not readily melt in fire, etc. Until here is the content of his words.

 Thus, gold indicates the strength and permanence of united parts, and therefore they have the custom to sanctify with a ring of gold for a good sign that the union will be successful and their home shall stand forever. The giver is healthy: See what was written by the brother of the Maharal in his book Iggeret HaTiul (in the section Remez, letter 7), Notrikon Z"B Z"H the giver is healthy, money is as if there is a risk of fear, it’s a hint given to him that he should give; see there, and if so, it is perhaps not as significant to sanctify with silver and copper, but only with gold which is Z"H the giver is healthy.

 The gaon Rabbi Moshe Hariri z"l in his book Vayeho Moshe (section N, page 188) brought from a manuscript of his father in the name of the book Ohev Musar, a hint to all the laws of kiddushin in the verse (Exodus 21:1): 'And these are the judgments that you shall set before them' the initials: W`chayav A`dam L`kadesh H`isha, H`hi M`kiideshet S`hva P`ruta, T`be`at Y`hiye M`zehav, A`nashim S`hniym R`oim, [T`kanno S`hbu`h Y`izkuro M`i`Yerushalayim], L`ait P`rak N`tinat H`kiddushin Y`hiyu M`berakhim.

 Places where they have the custom to sanctify with a ring of silver: The gaon Rabbi Yitzhak Tzvi Labovitch Av”d Tshepets z"l in his book Shulchan Eizer (section 8, section 2, note 1) brought, that the custom of Jerusalem of the holy city is to sanctify with a ring of silver. And the gaon Rabbi Yosef Chaim z"l in his book Ben Ish Chai (first year, Parashat Shoftim, letter 8) likewise wrote "It is a preferred mitzvah to sanctify with a ring of silver."

 He adds that the custom is to engrave the letter 'hei' on the ring, and it is a nice custom, and nonetheless, the Ben Ish Chai writes that in his town, still many sanctify not with a ring at all, but with silver and gold, see there. And the gaon Rabbi Leib Winkler z"l in his book Lebush Mordechai (printed in Mishkaletz, year 1937, section 284) recounts that he heard in the name of the gaon Mahar”am Ba’netz z"l the author of Parashat Mordechai, that during the wedding of his son the gaon Morh”e Yeshaya z"l with the daughter of the gaon the author of Shemen Rokach z"l, he was careful that the kiddushin ring would be of silver specifically and adds [the author of Parashat Mordechai] that he certainly informed the bride that she is being sanctified with silver in order that there should not be a concern of kiddushin in error due to the custom of the world that usually sanctifies with a ring of gold.

 And it can be said that the reason of the gaon was that he checked after the silver because it is written in the drasha of kiddushin with silver by a gezerah shavah of 'taking' as in the field of Efron (Kiddushin 2b), and there Abraham weighed to Efron silver weights (Genesis 23:16), not gold, and also in the language of our Sages they always said kiddushin 'with silver', and aside from this, he certainly had other high intentions.

 Until here is the content of the words of the author of Parashat Mordechai. Those who sanctify with a ring of silver also have someone to rely on according to Kabbalah, as the holy Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzhak Isaac Chaver z"l expanded in his book Beit Olamim (page 132, note and on): "And it is the secret of the kiddushin ring given by the father to the mother, and it is a ring of silver from the worlds of longing" etc. to awaken kindness and mercy: And in the book Minhagim of Kamirna (letter 122) it is written that the Admorim of the Kamirna family established the custom to sanctify specifically with silver, the reason being that silver hints at kindness as is known.

 And so wrote the gaon Shimon Hirari z"l in his book Responsa Sha'ar Shimon (volume 5, part Yoreh De'ah, section 18) that one should sanctify with a silver ring because silver indicates kindness and mercy whereas gold indicates judgment, and a groom is like a king and is forgiven for all his sins, he needs great mercy. Similarly, the gaon Rabbi Aharon Mendel Cohen z"l in his book Kalilat Chatanim "Because silver hints at mercy and kindness, and it also has a good sign."

 Thus wrote in the book Chukot HaNashim (chapter 41) they have the custom to sanctify with a ring of silver for a good sign and good fortune because silver hints at mercy and kindness.

The gaon Rabbi Yechiel Ma'achal Epstein z"l in his book Aruch HaShulchan wrote: In our country the custom is simple to sanctify with a ring of silver or gold (section 27, section 2).

White gold: There are those who propose today to sanctify with white gold, as can be said that it also encompasses the obligations of gold and similarly, it has a color like silver, which indicates kindness and mercy. If there is demand, I will add to elaborate on the other matters of the marriage ring, which are wide as the sea.

Wishing success – Menashe Israel