The Meaning of Husband and Wife

With G-d's help

Hello and blessings,

Of course, this does not imply ownership, as Judaism was the first religion in the world to state that a woman is the one who decides whether to get married or not. A man cannot marry a woman against her will (which cannot be said about property). Moreover, the man takes on financial obligations towards the woman when he brings her into his domain; he must provide for her dwelling, clothing, jewelry, and personal needs. If he divorces her, he must pay her a ketubah, and the woman is not obligated to him in any way. Our sages said that a man must love his wife as himself and honor her more than himself. Thus, it is clear that the man does not have "ownership" over the woman since she is a part of him, to the point that our sages said that a man without a wife is not called a person!

The Rambam ruled about 800 years ago based on the Torah (Laws of Marriage, Chapter 14, Law 10): "If she says, 'I disowned him and cannot be married to him of my own accord' - we compel him to divorce her immediately, for she is not in captivity to be married to one whom she hates." According to the Torah, the woman is the master of her body and is not like a captive or servant of her husband. If her husband is hated by her, the rabbinical court must obligate him to divorce her (currently, there are cases of mesoravot get, because Israeli law does not permit rabbinical courts to compel a man to divorce his wife). The Gemara also presents the sages' commandment forbidding a father from marrying off his daughter against her will (Kidushin 41a): "As Rabbi Yehuda said, and some say Rabbi Elazar: It is forbidden for a person to marry off his daughter when she is a minor, until she grows up and says, 'I want such and such a man.'" The Jewish approach throughout the generations has been presented for thousands of years, granting the woman a right over her body and her life, and to choose her husband.

The word "husband" comes from a term of respect, similar to how one might say to a person "my lord" even though he is not our master and does not work for us. It is also customary to address an important woman as "my lady" even though she is not our mistress. This term also reminds the husband of his obligations towards his wife who is under his care, as the man is the one who brings the woman under his domain and is obligated to support her for all her days. He is, as it were, the master of the house who is responsible for her physical and emotional needs. However, more than anything, when a woman says "my husband," she honors her spouse with a term that conveys respect, emphasizing his importance and guidance as the head of her home and family. Another term exists for a woman, referred to as the "mistress of the house" because she is the cornerstone of the Jewish home.

The term "my husband" highlights the husband's duty to lead and provide, while the term "my wife" underscores the woman's importance as the one and only woman in her husband's life. Each expression appeals to the most important feelings in the soul. The term "my husband" appeals to the masculine ego wanting to be respected and acknowledged, while the term "my wife" appeals to the feminine emotion wanting to feel important and special in her husband's eyes. Thus, the holy tongue reveals a profound understanding of the souls of the genders.

Another proof for the importance of the word "husband" in the Hebrew language is that a man is called this name only when he is married to a woman. A landowner or owner of an ox will not be called by the name "husband." Only a married man is called a "husband" because marrying a woman is a role that changes the entire essence of the man, transforming him into a father of the family.

Best regards,

Daniel Bles