עברית
Faith
Is it permissible to visit a grave in the first year?
Question
Hello and blessings!
My grandfather passed away about a month and a half ago, and I am having a very hard time with his passing because it was sudden and I was very close to him...
I feel a very strong desire to visit his grave; I feel that it gives me a place to express what I've lost, the difficulty and pain, and just everything...
Indeed, when we visited the grave at the conclusion of the *shiva* and again at the end of the thirty days, it released something in me and silenced my longing a bit...
Now, I have asked several rabbis whether it is permissible to visit the grave in the first year after his passing and I was answered negatively.
I received various responses that it disturbs the deceased, and it is an old custom, etc.
I wanted to ask if it is really forbidden to visit the grave even if I am not asking for anything from the deceased? Am I allowed to visit the grave and say Tehillim for his elevation of soul?
Of course, I do not want to disturb him, but I genuinely want to understand...
Thank you very much!!
Riki
Answer
Greetings,
Although the custom is not to visit the grave in the first year, except on the day following the shiva, the thirtieth day, and the day of the yahrzeit, and the custom for Sephardim is to visit the grave also at the end of eleven months, the reason for this custom is that the deceased is judged within twelve months, and thus one should not ask him to plead favorably for the living. However, you may go to your grandfather's grave, may his memory be a blessing, and recite Tehillim there, as well as pray for the elevation of his soul.
Sources: See Shem MiShmuel, part 5 (paragraph 4) and Chayei Adam part 1 (chapter 18 note 74).
Wishing you good tidings and comfort,
Hillel Meirs
