Dating Dilemma: When Your Future Vision Doesn’t Align

Twice he reached out to me through a dating site.

The first time, he mentioned that he did not want more children. But that was not what ended it. Life simply moved on. We were both dealing with other things, and somehow the connection faded before it even began. We never even spoke on the phone.

Then, about two years later, he reached out again.

A Second Chance… Almost

“Hey Shira,” he wrote in a short WhatsApp message.

At first, I did not recognize him. But once I checked his profile and saw our old conversation, I remembered immediately.

He was exactly the kind of man I had been looking for. Rare. Genuine. The kind that feels almost nonexistent today.

How did I feel? Good.

Did I want to continue? Absolutely.

But before anything could even begin, it ended.

The Concern That Ended It

“The truth is,” he wrote, “when I looked at your profile again, I felt that you are more careful than I am in keeping mitzvot. Maybe someone more spiritual would suit you better.”

I appreciated his honesty. I always try to be honest myself. I told him that yes, there are areas where I am strong, and others where I am still growing.

I am on a path. I know what I want, and I know where I am heading. But I am human. I have struggles, I have setbacks, and I am still learning.

Who does not have moments of weakness? Who does not feel thrown off when life suddenly short circuits and things do not go as planned?

But then came the second reason.

The Real Question

“You did not mention having children,” he wrote. “So I assume you are looking for that. I already have three children, and I feel that is enough. You deserve to build your own family.”

And he was right.

I do want children. I am not willing to give up on that dream.

So I found myself facing a difficult question. Here was someone with qualities I had been hoping and praying for. But how much am I willing to give up in order to hold on to that?

Some things are simply too important.

What Are We Really Choosing?

And then another thought stayed with me.

What makes a person decide that they are done? That they do not want any more children?

If we believe that Hashem is the One who gives life, who decides what we receive and when, then how can we close the door on something that has not even begun?

Yes, he has three children. But is one child ever the same as another?

How can a person turn away from a potential gift, when so many others are still waiting and praying for that very blessing?

Questions That Stay With You

I do not judge. Everyone has their own path and their own story.

But I cannot help wondering.

How can someone, with a full life ahead of them, decide in advance to close a door that could bring so much goodness?

I do not know if I will ever fully understand it.

Maybe one day, when I have my own children, I will see things differently.

And maybe not.