See the Good: How Focusing on Light Transforms Your Child

Kislev is known as the month of light.

Let us talk about the candle. What is so special about it?

There is something almost magical about a candle. Even in complete darkness, it gives off light far beyond its small size. At first, it illuminates what is right around it. Then, gradually, it allows us to see much more, even the darkest corners of the room.

Light Pushes Away Darkness

There is a principle when it comes to seeing the good. Good does not only increase good, it also pushes away the negative. Darkness has no independent existence; it is simply the absence of light. When there is light, darkness disappears.

One of the mothers in my course shared ongoing struggles with her daughter around cleanliness and order.

“My daughter is a complete mess,” she said. “She does not care that everything is dirty. She does not care about the mess. I can pull out what looks like ancient remains of sandwiches from her bag, and she is completely unfazed. Does she not smell it? Does it not bother her?”

It really is not simple.

After we explored what might be happening beneath the surface, the mother received a task: every day, write down five positive things about her daughter.

“There will not be any,” she told me.

“Just try,” I said. “At worst, we will accept it and find her a partner who does not mind the mess.”

A week later, she returned with a full notebook. But it was not only the notebook that had changed. Her daughter had started organizing and cleaning, without even being asked.

What happened? Light pushed away darkness.

This is not just a nice idea from a preschool Chanukah song. It is the way life works. The mind cannot focus on two things at once. If we focus on what is negative, that is what we will see. If we focus on the good, or even just search for it, it begins to appear and it illuminates.

Choosing What to See

Kislev is the month of light.

Look for the light in your children. Look for the light in your life.

May we all be blessed with a month full of light and filled with small miracles.