How to Build Confidence in Decision Making and Find the Right Partner

Often, it may seem as though you have made a firm decision to “go all in,” not to let go until you find yourself standing beneath a velvet canopy under a sky filled with stars. You probably know people who declare, “By this Passover I’ll already be married,” “By my next birthday I won’t be celebrating alone, no matter what,” or “This is the last time such a good match slips away.” But in truth, somewhere deep inside, in your subconscious, in the innermost part of your heart, you may have committed only to trying until it becomes truly unbearable.

In order to succeed in making such a significant decision for your life, you need to dare to say honestly what you truly want and feel. Then go after it with all your strength. And no, this is not a cliché. The anxiety of making the wrong decision, one that should stay with you for the rest of your life, can be so overwhelming that you may unintentionally develop behaviors that distance you from making it. Indecisiveness is one of the most common ways to remain within the boundaries of what feels safe and familiar. This is why people who are considered highly successful in their careers are often those who know how to make decisions in no time. The good news is that this is a skill that can be learned. If you already have this ability in other areas of your life, you can also apply it to finding a relationship.

Training the Decision Making Muscle

If you belong to the type that hesitates, or to those who prefer to avoid decisions so as not to feel bound by them for the next seventy years, you can train this muscle and strengthen it by making quick decisions in small, insignificant matters. It may sound ridiculous to you, and you may not understand how such a small and trivial action can help you make larger, weightier decisions. But if you choose to try this small experiment anyway, you will notice a positive inner change, and you will feel your confidence in yourself and in your ability to choose what is good for you, rise to a new level.

So how do you practice the decision making muscle? When you order a dress for Shabbat, force yourself to choose it within fifteen minutes, including entering your payment details. Went out to a restaurant with a friend? Decide that you will choose a dish within thirty seconds. Once you have chosen, do not change your mind. Walking through the aisles of the supermarket? Pick your groceries within fifteen seconds.

If an important and life changing decision is before you, such as whether to accept a job offer or whether to agree to a request that will require a certain effort from you, set yourself a deadline for making the decision and do not allow yourself to drag it out endlessly until the opportunity is no longer relevant. Do not leave the matter open on the table, waiting for some saving hand to bring the final seal. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time needed to make the decision and stick to it.

The Gift of Peace of Mind

If you are specifically the type who does not struggle with making decisions, then your training will be not to dwell on the decision you have already made and not to regret it. Simply trust yourself and your healthy intuition. Do not let background noise confuse you or weaken your resolve. Leave the storms outside the door and close it behind you when you are whole and confident in what you have chosen to do.

With time and practice, you will begin to notice how this affects the movements of your inner world, the deeper places within you, how you are able to dive inward and make quality decisions quickly without being consumed by regret.

This practice will build trust in your ability to choose the perfect and most suitable partner for yourself.

There is no bride who does not know “the night of regrets.” This is the night after the engagement, after everything has been finalized with blessings and good wishes. It is the night when all the hidden fears emerge from their hiding places, all the buried thoughts and emotions. There is something about a decisive choice that closes the gates of endless possibilities, something that places you into a narrow space that feels like it is pressing on your lungs. “Did I choose correctly?” “Am I going to regret this?” “Maybe better options are still waiting for me?”

It is therefore important to train this inner muscle that trusts you, that relies on your ability to choose correctly, to know what is good for you.

When the right one comes, you will already know how to recognize with calmness that you have found a place for your feet to rest, and that you can place a trusting foot on solid ground. An entire world is still waiting for you, and so many more things are yet to be born.

Train your ability to make quality decisions quickly and with peace of mind by practicing snap decisions in minor everyday situations.