The Power of a Smile: How Small Acts Build Confidence in Children

On the words, “And it shall be, because you listen” (Devarim 7:12), Rashi brings the teaching of the Sages: “These are the light commandments that a person tramples with their heel.”

What are “light commandments”? These are mitzvot that a person can fulfill with almost no effort at all — simple acts done with ease, such as smiling at someone who needs a smile, or offering a few words of appreciation to someone who could benefit from hearing them.

There is no one who does not enjoy a kind word. Therefore, one of the easiest mitzvot to fulfill is simply to do an act of kindness for another person, and to smile at them. 

A Teacher’s Struggle and a Surprising Solution

Rabbi Amram Binet tells of a student he had years ago who was quiet and withdrawn.

“He hardly spoke and almost never played with his classmates. He was a very, very shy child — perhaps even a little sad.

“It bothered me deeply. I tried to encourage him to join the group. I would say, ‘Come, the boys are playing hide-and-seek; let me help you find a good hiding place.’ But it didn’t help. During lessons, I tried to involve him, giving him opportunities to answer or ask questions, but he did not cooperate. I was very frustrated and mainly worried about the future of this student,” Rabbi Binet continues.

“I approached a man whose judgment in matters of education I deeply respected, and I asked him for advice: How can I help this student?”

That man replied with one word: “Smile.”

“I didn’t understand how that was supposed to solve the problem. How would my smiling help? But he said to me again, ‘Smile!’

“I told him I didn’t understand what he meant.

“‘Smile at the student,’ the adviser said. ‘Simply smile at him. Not once, not just once a day, but shower him with smiles every time you see him. Whenever you walk through the halls of the school and he comes toward you, let your face light up with enthusiasm so that he feels you are genuinely happy to see him. That’s all.

“Simply make him believe that his presence matters and contributes to you and to everyone around him.

“Do not tell him, “Your presence is important to us.” Instead, communicate it through your behavior, through your smiles, through the way you notice him every single time you pass by him.’”

The Healing Power of Being Seen

“And how will that solve the problem?” I asked.

He explained: “What causes a person to feel depressed and disconnected? The belief that they are unsuccessful and essentially unnecessary. When you show him that he matters to you, that you need him in the environment, you are building his self-confidence. You are giving him the ability to slowly crawl out of the shell in which he has enclosed himself, believing that he has nothing left to contribute to the world and to humanity.”

Rabbi Binet continues: “I tried it, and it worked.

“I smiled at him not once or twice, but thousands of times — perhaps even tens of thousands of smiles. I no longer spoke to him about joining games, nor did I call on him during lessons to answer questions. I simply smiled and smiled, and every time I saw him, I tried to give him the feeling that it made me happy that he was there.

“After a few weeks, he already looked better. After a few months, he was playing group games with his classmates during recess.

“I could not believe what I was seeing — the power of a smile!”