Why Mothers Need a Break Too: How to Reclaim Joy Without Leaving Your Kids

Do mothers need a break? Or is this simply what you signed up for — once you’re married and have children, you’re bound to it for life, with no way out? Precisely during these days, in the middle of the long summer break for children, I felt the need to write to you, dear mothers, about a summer break for mothers.

I don’t mean that you should pack your suitcases and leave. And I also don’t mean staying home and announcing that although Mom is physically present, she is officially off duty.

The Silent Struggle of Constant “On Duty”

With about 90% of the mothers I work with, I encounter the same painful pattern: they don’t know what they enjoy, they don’t know what they want, and certainly don’t do those things. Who has time for that? We’re constantly “on duty.” And why does it even matter?

When I ask mothers, out of 12 waking hours in a day (excluding school time), how much time do you spend with your children, the usual answer is: “What do you mean? Until they go to sleep.” Or: “Of course I’m with them — who else would be?” When I ask, “Do you enjoy it?” the answer is often hesitant: “I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, but…” And then come the familiar responses: “What can I do? I’m their mother.” “Do I have a choice?” “Can you even enjoy being with kids?” “I don’t enjoy it, but where would I put them?” By the time the children go to sleep, many mothers rush to take care of the house and collapse from exhaustion, with no patience or energy left for anything or anyone else.

When Motherhood Becomes a Full-Time Job

What ends up happening is that a mother becomes a full-time babysitter, without a salary. She becomes the social coordinator, the activities planner, the one responsible for everything.

One mother once asked me, “So what exactly should I do? Who will be with them? Should I just get up and leave because I’m not enjoying it?” So what’s the answer? Enjoy them nonstop from morning to night? Or not enjoy them, and feel the need to escape?

The truth is, neither answer is correct.

For a mother to truly enjoy her children, for it to feel good and natural, for her to genuinely feel the love she has for them, she needs time for herself. When you have time for yourself, when you do things you want and enjoy, your children will no longer feel like a burden. You will begin to truly enjoy them and love them.

Think about it: how long can you keep going when most of your day is filled with things you don’t enjoy? How long can you feel calm and loving when you feel tied down, responsible for everything, unable to mentally let go? How long can you stay balanced when your entire day feels like a nonstop whirlwind?

It’s like going to a job you don’t like every single day, with no motivation. And the truth is, you can’t keep going like that.

What if you recalculated your route? What if you decided to start thinking about yourself too? Ask yourself: what would I want to do if everything were possible? What brings me joy? What excites me? And then, do it. It may not be easy at first to even know what you like, but that is part of the process.

Simple, Practical Steps

Go out in the evening with your husband. Give clear instructions to a babysitter, and let go, without constantly worrying about what’s happening at home.

Allow yourself to leave the house even during the day, even when the kids are awake, and remind yourself that nothing terrible will happen.

Sit in the morning with a cup of coffee on the balcony, without children around, simply because you want that moment for yourself.

Enjoying Motherhood Again

Being a mother is a role, but it is also meant to be something you enjoy. If you’re not enjoying it, that’s a signal that something needs to change.

When you make that change, you will truly feel a sense of freedom — a kind of “summer break” that allows you to enjoy time by yourself and also enjoy time with your children.

You will begin to feel the deep love you have for them, and you’ll see how much easier and more pleasant it becomes to be with them.

Wishing you success, and a truly enjoyable break.