The “Airplane Child”: A Perspective That Changes Everything

I have a confession: I was never good at soccer.

I cannot fully explain why. Maybe some athletic abilities simply were not developed enough. Maybe I did not practice enough. Maybe I was drawn toward other interests and opportunities instead. But the bottom line is simple: I was always a pretty terrible soccer player.

Music was not my strength either.

My parents signed me up for guitar and keyboard lessons, but I quit almost immediately. I also sing painfully off key, so a musical career was clearly never going to happen for me.

I could continue listing my weaknesses, but the truth is that over time, I discovered other strengths instead. Through life experiences, opportunities, and the abilities Hashem did give me, I found areas where I could grow and succeed.

That is true for many people.

Not Every Struggle Looks the Same

Some children struggle with skills like reading, concentration, persistence, organization, or diligence. In today’s world, these children are often quickly labeled and placed into a different category or “box.”

Thankfully, many of these skills can absolutely be strengthened and developed. There are educational methods, therapeutic tools, and sometimes medical treatments that can help children improve focus, self regulation, and learning abilities.

But there is another challenge that is often misunderstood entirely: cognitive flexibility, meaning the ability to adjust smoothly to changing situations and environments.

This difficulty is often connected to attention disorders or oppositional behavior, although not always.

Children who struggle with flexibility often have a hard time transitioning emotionally and behaviorally from one setting to another.

The Child Is Not “Bad”

A child like this may come into the classroom still behaving as though recess never ended. At a family event, he may continue running around outside or acting in ways that seem completely disconnected from the atmosphere of the occasion.

Adults often react quickly with frustration.

People assume the child is disrespectful, immature, stubborn, or intentionally disruptive. The child gets criticized, punished, and labeled as difficult.

But many times, that is not the real issue at all.

The child may simply need more time to emotionally adjust and transition between situations.

This is not bad character. It is a developmental challenge that requires understanding and support.

Some Children Are Helicopters. Others Are Airplanes

An average child can sometimes move quickly from one situation to another, almost like a helicopter lifting off and landing easily in different places.

But some children are more like airplanes.

An airplane cannot suddenly shoot into the sky. It needs preparation. The engines need warming up. It needs a runway, acceleration, and gradual takeoff.

Landing also takes time, space, and a careful process.

Children who struggle with flexibility often function the same way emotionally.

They need preparation before transitions. They need time to process changes. They need support entering new situations and leaving old ones behind.

Once we understand this, our entire approach changes.

Instead of colliding with these children emotionally, criticizing them, or crushing their confidence, we begin helping them build the tools they need.

Preparation Can Change Everything

For children like this, preparation is often one of the most powerful tools.

Before a family event, parents can calmly explain what the occasion is, why it matters, what behavior is expected, and what boundaries need to be respected.

It also helps to give children motivation, encouragement, structure, and realistic goals they can succeed in meeting.

These kinds of supportive strategies allow “airplane children” to slowly develop stronger flexibility and healthier transitions over time.

Most importantly, they help children feel understood instead of constantly feeling like failures.

When adults recognize that a child is struggling rather than intentionally misbehaving, they stop fighting the child and start helping the child grow.