Starting a New School or Preschool? A Parent’s Guide to Easing First-Day Anxiety

It’s hard. For you and for your child. You may be worried, excited, nervous, happy — or perhaps feeling all of those emotions at once. What will it be like there? Will he fit in? Will he struggle with his new classmates? 

These concerns are real, and they exist within you. The first step toward making things easier for both of you is simply acknowledging them. That doesn't mean you should share all your worries with your child. Not at all. Just admit them to yourself. Don't ignore them, and don't try to hide them. What you're feeling is completely natural and normal. Tell yourself: "It's okay to feel this way. It's a normal response to a new beginning."

Adaptation is how children grow. It's how they develop resilience, maturity, and confidence. Every new beginning is another step forward in their journey. Your child is learning how to cope, adjust, and succeed.

What About the Children?

Now that you've calmed your own fears, it's time to help your child.

One of the most common mistakes parents make is saying: "You have nothing to worry about!" or "Don't be afraid!"

Instead, start by identifying with your child's feelings. Listen to their concerns. Tell them that you understand how they feel and that it's perfectly normal to be nervous.

Once they feel understood and realize that their feelings are normal, ask them what exactly they are worried about. The more they talk about their fears, the less overwhelming those fears become. When worries remain hidden, they grow. When they're spoken aloud, they become easier to handle.

After listening carefully, help your child see that the fear itself is often larger than the reality. Maybe they're feeling excited. Maybe they're shy. Maybe they're worried about the unknown. But new beginnings are a normal part of life, and most of the time, things work out far better than they imagine.

Just as importantly, communicate confidence. Show your child that you believe in them. Let them know that you trust their ability to succeed. Whether they're starting preschool, first grade, or a new school, they need to feel that their parent believes in them. As a parent, your role is to provide strength, confidence, and hope.

Practical Tips for Parents

Sleep

It is very important to begin adjusting sleep schedules. Help your child go to bed earlier and get enough sleep. This will make it much easier for them to wake up in the morning and begin the day on the right foot. (This is important for older children as well.)

Clothing

Prepare clothing the night before. Choosing outfits in advance prevents delays, arguments, and unnecessary stress in the morning. (Again, this applies to older children too.)

Arrival

Before arriving at the preschool or classroom, agree with your child how long you will stay. This helps prevent disappointment and unmet expectations.

Avoid carrying your child into the classroom. Allow them to walk in on their own, like the capable and independent child they are.

Give your child room to explore. Don't follow them every step of the way. When children are allowed to move around independently, they gain confidence in their new environment.

Try not to ask questions such as, "Isn't it fun here?" or "Do you like your new class?" Questions like these often communicate your own anxiety. Instead, remind yourself: "This is the school I chose for my child. I'm comfortable with that decision." Then simply project calm confidence without needing to say much.

Consider placing a small surprise in your child's backpack along with a warm note. It can be incredibly comforting and reassuring. (I still do this for my children who are 13 and 15 years old.)

Communication

A few minutes before you leave, let your child know that you will be going soon. Simply say, "In five minutes, I'm leaving." There's no need for lengthy explanations or persuasion. Your confidence communicates that they'll be just fine.

When it is time to leave, give your child a kiss and say goodbye. Never disappear without telling them. During my 17 years as a preschool teacher, I never allowed a parent to sneak away. I always preferred tears with awareness rather than tears that came from suddenly realizing a parent had vanished. The difference is enormous, and the second experience is far more painful.

End of Day

Make sure your child knows who will pick them up and when. Most importantly, arrive when you said you would. Children trust your word and look forward to seeing you. Since young children cannot tell time, use reference points they understand, such as: "I'll pick you up after story time," or "Dad will come after lunch."

When your child returns home, don't overwhelm them with questions. If they had a good day, trust that they will share what they want to share when they are ready. Sometimes children tell everything immediately. Other times, they reveal pieces of their day gradually over several hours. That's completely normal.

May we all be blessed with smooth and pleasant beginnings, and may this school year be filled with growth, joy, success, and many happy experiences.

Yochi Danahi is a multidisciplinary emotional support counselor and a parenting coach specializing in discipline, authority, and the Conscious Motherhood approach.