"I Want Noam Exactly as He Is": A Mother's Journey With Autism

Anyone who knows Noam Levinger knows he is one of the happiest children in Beit Shemesh. He loves playgrounds, enjoys exploring the city, and almost always wears a smile.

But Noam's journey has not been a simple one.

Five years ago, he was diagnosed with autism. Since then, his family has faced challenges they never expected. Yet alongside the difficulties came powerful lessons about faith, acceptance, patience, and discovering blessings in places they never thought to look.

"Part of Noam's mission in this world is to teach the people around him how to be more patient, more sensitive, and more accepting of those who are different," says his mother, Leah. "He teaches us something new every day."

When the Warning Signs Began

Noam was born nine years ago, when his older sister was just two years old.

"He was an incredibly active baby," Leah recalls. "He rolled over at just six weeks old and was walking independently by nine months. I was so proud of him."

As the months passed, however, something seemed unusual.

"We were waiting for his first words, but they never came."

Even after Noam turned two, Leah was not overly concerned.

"I kept telling myself that every child develops at his own pace. I thought it was just a small delay that would eventually work itself out."

What worried her more was Noam's extreme dependence on her presence.

"If I stepped away for even a moment, he would panic. Going to the bathroom could trigger screaming, distress, and complete hysteria."

At first, Leah searched for reassuring explanations.

"I only spoke to people who would tell me everything was fine, because I couldn't bear hearing anything else."

Whenever someone gently suggested that autism might be a possibility, she immediately dismissed the idea.

"My heart couldn't accept it."

But as time went on, the signs became harder to ignore.

Noam was getting older and still wasn't speaking. More importantly, communication itself seemed absent.

"I remember asking the children to bring me a diaper from another room. My younger daughter immediately ran to get it. Noam just stood there as if nothing had happened. It was like he wasn't connected to the situation at all."

That moment changed everything.

"The wall I had built around myself finally broke down, and I scheduled an evaluation."

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

The family waited a year and a half for answers.

When the diagnosis finally came, Leah says there was no sense of relief.

"It felt like someone punched me in the stomach."

Although nothing about Noam had actually changed, everything suddenly felt different.

"Until then, I kept believing he would catch up. I imagined him learning in a regular cheder and following a typical path. Suddenly, one diagnosis seemed to redefine his future."

For a long time, Leah struggled to cope.

"I stayed in bed. I couldn't function. I felt pain, guilt, sadness, and fear."

The Moment That Changed Her Perspective

The turning point came during a conference for parents of children with special needs.

One speaker described a soul descending into this world and choosing the parents best suited for its mission.

"Suddenly, I had a completely different thought," Leah says.

"Throughout life, people choose us because they like us, need us, or benefit from us in some way. But here was a soul that chose me from the purest possible place."

For the first time, she viewed her role differently.

"It meant that Hashem trusted me. It meant He believed I was capable of raising this child."

Soon afterward came another life-changing moment.

Finding Hashem Through Noam

That year, Noam joined Leah in synagogue on Rosh Hashanah.

As expected, he cried and screamed throughout much of the service.

But during the shofar blowing, something inside Leah shifted.

"I felt Hashem's presence in a way I never had before."

It was as though she heard a message deep within her heart:

"'I love you. I want you. Noam is here to bring you closer to Me.'"

Leah explains that although she grew up in a religious home and attended religious schools throughout her life, she had never felt such a personal connection to Hashem.

"Ever since Noam's diagnosis, my faith has grown stronger every day."

A Child Who Brought Light Into the Home

Today, Noam is nine years old.

Life remains complex, but Leah says the blessings have far outweighed the difficulties.

"Our marriage became stronger because of Noam."

Since traveling and vacations are often difficult, the family learned to create meaningful experiences at home.

"We discovered that you don't need hotels, restaurants, or expensive trips to build family memories."

Their children learned to celebrate simple moments and find joy in everyday life.

Leah believes Noam also transformed her parenting.

"He taught me to notice problems early instead of pretending they don't exist. I learned to face challenges honestly rather than hoping they disappear on their own."

Her experiences also increased her sensitivity toward others.

"When you live through something like this, you understand how much words can hurt and how much they can heal."

Noam's Progress Today

"Noam is making tremendous progress, baruch Hashem."

Although he still does not speak verbally, he communicates through signs and gestures.

As communication improved, many of his frustrations decreased.

"He is happier, calmer, and much less overwhelmed than before."

At the same time, life still requires constant vigilance.

Noam is highly energetic, physically strong, and often wakes during the night. The family has adapted their home accordingly, using safety measures and monitoring systems to ensure his well-being.

"It's not easy," Leah admits. "But we're incredibly proud of him."

Learning Joy From a Special Child

Leah becomes emotional when speaking about her other children.

"They are amazing with him."

Like many siblings of children with special needs, they sometimes ask difficult questions.

Yet overall, she says Noam has helped create a uniquely joyful atmosphere in their home.

"People often come to him when they're upset and ask him for a hug."

His hugs, she says, are unforgettable.

"He wraps people in warmth and love. It's something very special."

"I Wouldn't Change a Thing"

Looking back, Leah says she would not change anything about her journey.

"I want Noam exactly as he is."

The only thing she wishes were different is the way some people react.

"It hurts when people point, stare, laugh, or use the word 'autistic' as an insult."

But when she considers the impact Noam has had on her family, she sees him as a gift.

"He brought so much goodness into our lives."

Trusting the One Who Runs the World

Like every parent, Leah sometimes wonders what the future will hold.

Of course she worries.

But she has learned an important lesson.

"We all make plans. Then life changes."

She recalls how many families had plans before Simchat Torah 5784, only to see everything shift overnight.

"So what is the point of believing we control the future?"

For Leah, that realization is not frightening. It is comforting.

"I know there is Someone taking care of me and my children."

She pauses for a moment before adding:

"Hashem is the One who runs the world. He knows exactly what is best for every one of us."