Elul and the Journey Back to Yourself: How Teshuvah Bridges the Distance Within

The month of Elul invites us to dive into a magical world that remains hidden from our sight for most of the year. No, it is not a tourist attraction, an eighty-day journey around the globe, or even an expedition into the depths of the ocean.

It is a journey into our inner world. The world that lives within us.

For much of the year, this inner realm remains concealed. Access to it is often blocked by thick walls we have built around ourselves, that are difficult to penetrate, if they can be crossed at all.

The teshuvah we are called to embrace during Elul is, in many ways, a response to the distance that has developed between us and ourselves. It is a response to the fact that our inner world has become inaccessible, causing us to drift away from our true identity, our essence, and the unique purpose for which we were created.

And perhaps this distance is the greatest failure of all.

Because when I am not truly myself, I am betraying my own essence. I am no longer living as the person I was created to be. Once that happens, it becomes easy to lose direction and make mistakes, simply because I am walking a path that was never intended for me.

The Hidden Gift Within Failure

As paradoxical as it may sound, failure is built into the human experience. Mistakes are not an exception to life; they are part of it. No one can journey through life without stumbling.

And yet, sin and failure do more than create pain, confusion, and disappointment. They also create the possibility of rising again. They invite self-reflection, inner growth, and a return to our original essence.

Some of life's most powerful transformations would never occur without the experience of falling first.

How Do We Become Distant From Ourselves?

The first cause of this distance is disconnection from our actions.

When we lose touch with the present moment, we begin performing actions mechanically. We do what we do simply because it has become routine. We stop asking ourselves why we are doing it. We no longer consider its purpose, significance, or contribution to our lives.

When actions lose meaning, bitterness is often not far behind.

This bitterness is one of the consequences of becoming disconnected from ourselves, because our relationship with our actions reflects our relationship with our inner world.

In Hebrew, the word for distance, merchak, can be divided into two words: mar (bitter) and chok (statute or law).

When our actions become mere obligations, performed solely because they are expected of us, we are already experiencing a form of distance from ourselves and, by extension, from our Creator.

In Jewish thought, a chok refers to a commandment whose deeper reason remains hidden from human understanding. Only a small number of mitzvot fall into this category. Yet when we approach all of our actions this way — doing them merely because we must, we begin to experience their bitterness rather than their sweetness.

We perform them without intention, without connection, and without vitality. Not because we truly choose them, but because we are accustomed to them or because society expects them of us.

The life within the action disappears, and that bitterness is often the result of distance.

The Masks We Wear

A second cause of this distance affects our emotional and psychological balance.

When I choose — whether consciously or unconsciously, not to allow my authentic self to emerge, I begin constructing defenses which conceal who I truly am.

Somewhere along the way, I conclude that my genuine self will not be accepted, respected, or given space to exist. Over time, these protective mechanisms become so familiar that they begin to feel like part of my identity.

Yet they are not my identity; they are merely masks.

Eventually, they create an alternative self that stands in direct contradiction to my true essence. The greater the distance between me and my authentic self, the greater the internal contradictions I carry within.

One example is the tension between wanting to please others and wanting to follow my own inner truth. On one hand, I want to fulfill the expectations of those around me, while on the other, I long to live according to my own desires, values, and calling.

The existence of these conflicts reveals the gap between who I truly am and who I have learned to pretend to be.

No matter how hard we try, we can never completely erase our essence. It remains hidden deep within the soul, quietly reminding us who we are. As a result, we are left struggling with internal conflict, often losing touch with our authentic selves over time.

Teshuvah: Returning Home

When a person is willing to engage in genuine inner work — to reconnect with their essence and rediscover their true self, they are, in fact, engaging in the process of teshuvah.

Teshuvah means more than repentance. It means return to oneself. If sin gave birth to distance, then teshuvah gives birth to closeness.

The closeness I seek is achieved by releasing everything that is not truly me. I place upon the altar all the habits, fears, identities, and illusions that separate me from my authentic self. At the same time, I draw closer to who I really am.

And as I draw closer to myself, I draw closer to my Creator. I offer Him my innermost self — my heart, my inner world, my true identity.

"I am to my Beloved."

When the Bitter Becomes Sweet

The power of teshuvah is its ability to bring closeness.

It can reduce the distance between us and ourselves until nothing remains, and it can heal the gap that caused us to live mechanically, without passion, intention, or connection. It can also bridge the divide between our authentic essence and the borrowed identities we have accumulated over the years.

Teshuvah brings us home. It returns us to our inner core and, from there, to the Divine spark that resides within us.

And then, almost without noticing, something remarkable happens.

The bitterness begins to disappear, and what was once bitter becomes sweet.

Inbal Elhayani, M.A., is a certified therapist in NLP, mindfulness, and guided imagery, as well as a writer and lecturer in the field.