My Journey Through Cancer: What Parshat Masei Taught Me

About six and a half years ago, shortly after the birth of my third son, I began experiencing persistent aches and pains that disrupted my peace of mind. Within a short time, doctors discovered cancerous findings in my body.

Receiving that diagnosis was one of the most frightening turning points of my life. Suddenly, my mind was flooded with questions. Where was my life heading? Would I survive? What would happen to my young children? How would my husband manage?

Few challenges are as terrifying as hearing such news.

I found myself standing at a crossroads, forced to choose between despair and hope. The Torah says, "See, I place before you today life and good, and death and evil... and you shall choose..." (Deuteronomy). Would I surrender to fear because reality looked so bleak, or would I choose life and place my trust in Hashem, even when everything around me seemed to point in the opposite direction?

With Hashem's help, I chose hope.

Discovering the Desert Within

As my body struggled, I also began a different kind of journey, an inward one. I learned to close my eyes and honestly examine what was happening inside me.

At first, all I could see was a barren desert.

Everything was dry, cracked, and lifeless, scorched by the blazing sun. Nothing healthy could grow there. I slowly realized that years of pressure, tension, constant vigilance, anger, and negative thinking had dried up every fertile place within me.

Little by little, I began watering that inner desert with living water. I imagined Hashem sending life giving rain that seeped into every crack in the hardened ground, bringing hope where everything had once seemed beyond repair.

The process required patience, acceptance, connection, and learning to let go.

It was not easy.

But gradually, something began to change.

The desert inside me slowly transformed into a vibrant oasis. Birds filled the air with song, trees blossomed, butterflies spread their colorful wings, and fragrant flowers bloomed everywhere. My inner world was slowly being filled with life again.

A New Beginning

After a long break from doctors, treatments, and medical tests, I finally returned for another examination.

The results amazed everyone.

The cancerous findings had completely disappeared.

Or perhaps one trace remained.

Not a trace of illness, but of new life. Everything inside me had become greener, stronger, and more vibrant than ever before.

This week's Torah portions describe the long journeys of the Jewish people through the wilderness and the many hardships they endured along the way. Their story carries a timeless message for every generation: the eternal nation is not afraid of a long road. As our Sages teach, "Even if a sharp sword rests upon a person's neck, he should never despair of Hashem's mercy."

Even when reality appears dark and hope feels distant, we must remember that Hashem can bring light from the deepest darkness.

As the prophet says, a "sun of righteousness with healing in its wings" can rise when we least expect it.