Psychologists Reveal the Two Words That Can Calm an Upset Child

A child's tears, anger, or emotional outburst can be among the most challenging moments for any parent or grandparent. Our instinct is often to reason with the child or solve the problem immediately. However, psychologists say that this is precisely what we should avoid in the heat of the moment. Instead, child mental health experts recommend a surprisingly simple yet effective approach based on just two words: "right now."

Dr. Rebecca Wexner, a clinical child psychologist, and Dr. Adina Chesir, a clinical psychologist in New York, explain that using phrases like "right now" helps children understand that their emotional storm is temporary.

"The words 'right now' provide the perspective children need to remember that feelings are not facts, and they don't last forever," says Dr. Wexner. "Emotions come and go."

She adds, "This won't instantly make everything better, but it softens the hardest part of the emotional storm. Often, that softening is enough to help children regain access to their problem-solving skills."

At the same time, she emphasizes that while this phrase can be very effective — especially when used consistently, there is no guarantee that it will work for every child in every situation.

Reflect Their Feelings Instead of Arguing

When a child is overwhelmed, experts recommend simply reflecting back what they are experiencing.

Dr. Adina Chesir explains, "When a child is having an emotional outburst, the best thing you can do is mirror their feelings back to them."

For example, saying, "I can see you're feeling very sad right now," validates the child's emotions and reduces their need to escalate their crying or behavior in order to feel heard.

Experts also recommend lowering both your body position and your voice. Kneeling or sitting at the child's level, speaking softly, and slowing your pace helps a distressed brain process your words more effectively.

Give Simple Physical Tasks

Another helpful strategy is to redirect the child's brain from its emotional center to its higher thinking center through simple physical activities.

Suggestions include:

• Drinking several large sips of water, which naturally changes breathing patterns.

• Doing a few jumping jacks or jumps in place to release built-up energy.

• Asking the child to help find an object somewhere in the house — even if you don't actually need it.

These simple tasks can interrupt the emotional cycle and help children gradually regain self-control.