From Tisha B'Av to Tu B'Av: How Unconditional Love Can Heal What Baseless Hatred Destroyed

Nestled between Parashat Va'etchanan, which contains the Ten Commandments — the foundation of Jewish life, and Parashat Eikev, is Tisha B'Av, the day that reminds us where we failed at the most fundamental level. Then, almost before we have time to catch our breath, Tu B'Av quietly arrives. It is as though a single added letter transforms everything. Although the month of Av begins by diminishing joy, the fifteenth day changes the entire picture. Hatred gives way to love, brokenness becomes healing, and death is replaced by life.

Much has been written about the many miracles and moments of salvation associated with Tu B'Av throughout Jewish history. Rather than revisit those stories, I want to focus on the solution itself. Six days after the darkest day in the Jewish calendar arrives the answer to everything that destroyed us: unconditional love.

Only six days separate Tisha B'Av, the greatest national tragedy in Jewish history, from Tu B'Av, once celebrated as one of Judaism's happiest festivals. The Mishnah concludes Tractate Ta'anit (26b) with a remarkable statement: "Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no greater festivals for Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur, when the daughters of Jerusalem would go out dressed in borrowed white garments, so as not to embarrass those who did not own any."

Within this simple custom lies the antidote to destruction. The answer is not hidden in heaven. It is astonishingly simple, practical, and accessible. Its name is love. And perhaps, as always, the unique power to build, nurture, and restore has been entrusted especially to women.

Borrowed Dresses, Shared Dreams

The Mishnah tells us that on Tu B'Av, unmarried men and women gathered in Jerusalem in the hope of finding their future spouse. But this was far more than an ancient matchmaking event. As Rabbi Eldad Yonah explains, it was a remarkable display of kindness and unconditional love. It reminds me of Rachel's extraordinary sacrifice for Leah: an act that demanded tremendous spiritual strength, unwavering faith, and complete trust in God. After all, we are speaking about a shidduch — the personal splitting of the Red Sea for every man and woman longing to find their other half.

The wealthy daughters of Jerusalem would lend their beautiful clothing to those who could not afford elegant garments. This ensured that no one could distinguish between rich and poor, allowing every woman an equal opportunity to meet a worthy husband.

This was not an everyday occurrence. It happened once a year, on the most significant evening for those hoping to marry. Everything was at stake. Yet these women willingly gave up what appeared to be their own advantage in order to create an equal opportunity for someone else.

Would that feel natural today?

Imagine being forty-one years old, still praying to find your soulmate. The man you have dreamed about could appear on this very day. Would you willingly surrender your greatest advantage to another woman, knowing she might meet him before you do?

Most people would find that almost impossible.

We believe that "No one can touch what has been destined for another." Yet we also believe in making sincere efforts. Normally, people are willing to give generously only after they themselves feel secure. The daughters of Jerusalem chose differently. Their kindness came before certainty.

The Second Tablets: Hope After Failure

The second Tablets of the Covenant that the Jewish people were ultimately able to receive and preserve, came only after the devastating sin of the Golden Calf. They were given through Moses, whose unwavering love for the Jewish people endured every test.

The first tablets were shattered, but they were also placed inside the Ark of the Covenant (Deuteronomy 10:2), reminding future generations that even after failure, restoration remains possible. They proclaimed that there is still a Jewish people after the Golden Calf. There is still a covenant after betrayal. There is still God after the terrifying words, "Leave Me alone, that I may destroy them" (Deuteronomy 9:14).

The second tablets became the Torah we continue to study today. In many ways, every weakness, struggle, and spiritual failure throughout Jewish history traces back to that first great national fall. Yet within that failure lay God's purpose. He allowed us to stumble immediately after reaching spiritual greatness so that through brokenness, longing, repentance, and renewed commitment, the Torah would become engraved not only on stone, but within our hearts. The covenant would no longer depend on perfection, but on perseverance.

If Darkness Has Power, Light Has Even More

Light always follows darkness, but helping that light emerge is far from easy. We are only human. Just as the Jewish people needed to experience failure before fully appreciating forgiveness and the gift of the Ten Commandments, so too, the destruction caused by baseless hatred required an equally powerful response.

That response arrived in the form of extraordinary, almost unimaginable, unconditional love. The daughters of Jerusalem demonstrated a generosity that is difficult to imagine today. They shared what they treasured most with those who were, in a sense, their competition.

In our own generation, many people feel that their material resources are slipping away. Yet perhaps we are being called to give generously from the one treasure that no economic crisis can take from us: love.

Love is the remedy for the true plague of baseless hatred that destroyed the Holy Temple on Tisha B'Av. It is therefore no coincidence that Tu B'Av follows immediately afterward. It arrives as Heaven's answer to destruction, inviting us to begin rebuilding once again. And that answer, like the love it celebrates, is given freely.