Longing for the Beit Hamikdash: Finding Hope in the Darkness of Av

“Comfort, comfort My people…”

In the month of Av we enter a period marked by an enormous sense of loss: the destruction of God’s earthly home, and a more hidden sense of destruction within ourselves.

The month of Menachem Av feels to me like gray days. Yet at the same time, something about these days awakens in me a longing for honest conversation, drawing me inward toward reflection.

The Deepest Thing Missing in My Life

I have many things missing in my life. The most painful absence for me is the feeling of being loved, of experiencing sincere and tangible love.

From a young age, I was fortunate to discover the gift of speaking to my Father, the Creator of the world. Over time, I became accustomed to talking to Him and asking Him for everything. And I received so much: the privilege of strengthening others through writing, lectures, and recordings of songs.

My Father has given me an ocean of gifts.

But there is one thing I have not yet received: the ability to experience His love in a tangible way.

“Father, I Want to Experience You”

There are times when I lie in bed and, in the midst of my regular conversations with the Creator, tears begin to fall. I tell Him, “I want You. I want to truly experience You.”

For so many years, You have been without Your earthly home, the Beit Hamikdash. We can no longer experience that pure atmosphere, that tangible expression of love that existed through the Temple, where we could come again and again, pour out our hearts, and bring offerings of thanksgiving, atonement, and the daily offerings.

Father, I want to be close to You and delight in the light of Your presence.

Until now, I have not been able to see You or experience You directly. I have only caught flashes of Your light through miracles and through unexpected gifts that appeared in the midst of difficulty and suffering.

And between us, Father, through all the pain and all the difficult moments, I cannot remember ever truly complaining to You.

The Suit I Bought for the Redemption

I bought a suit for the day You reveal Yourself, for the day You rebuild the House that will be filled with delight and with the light that pours forth from You.

I imagine myself when Mashiach comes. I see myself rising to my feet, throwing aside the straps of my wheelchair and bringing them to the King Mashiach, so that I will always remember how much I struggled and suffered.

I will remember that it was only through faith, and through the determination to keep going even in moments of despair, that I held on to the knowledge that after even the greatest darkness, the light is ultimately revealed.

When the Soul Reigns Over the Body

I long to experience the soul finally reigning over a body that has been filled with physical and spiritual challenges.

All I have is my search for You.

Please help me find the peace I am searching for: the Redemption, Mashiach.

And when that day comes, I will not want to leave the Beit Hamikdash.

I will not want anything else.

Only You.