When You Feel Alone: How a Moment of Despair Became a Path to Torah Greatness

Our Sages offer a striking interpretation of the verse describing Yaakov Avinu: “And Yaakov was left alone” (Genesis 32:25). The Midrash Rabbah draws a parallel between Yaakov’s solitude and a verse describing Hashem: “And Hashem alone shall be exalted” (Isaiah 2:17). The Midrash teaches: Just as it is written of the Holy One, blessed be He, “And Hashem alone shall be exalted,” so too it is written of Yaakov, “And Yaakov was left alone.”

Rabbi Eliezer Turk, in his book V’Otzeroteihem Amalei, relates a beautiful explanation he heard from his father. There are times when a person finds himself in an extremely difficult place. Life does not feel good. He feels alone, discouraged, and weak. Yet, our Sages teach, precisely such a moment can become an extraordinary opportunity for Hashem to reveal Himself in a person’s life. Out of loneliness can emerge a remarkable closeness to Hashem. Precisely when a person is levado, alone, he can discover the exalted Hashem.

A Remarkable Story

“I once attended a Shalom Zachar together with the renowned Rabbi Moshe Mordechai Shulzinger, of blessed memory,” Rabbi Turk relates. “Among those who came was an elderly man who regularly attended Rabbi Moshe Mordechai’s well-known shiur at the Yarchei Kallah study hall on Rabbi Dessler Street in Bnei Brak. His name was Rabbi Elchanan, although everyone knew him affectionately as ‘Rabbi Chana.’ He possessed tremendous Torah knowledge and would regularly offer insightful comments during the shiur.

“When Rabbi Chana sat down, Rabbi Moshe Mordechai asked whether he had permission to tell those present the story of his life. Rabbi Chana hesitated, but eventually agreed. Rabbi Moshe Mordechai turned to those gathered and said, ‘Listen carefully to an extraordinary story of love for Torah and closeness to Hashem.’”

A Young Man Who Could Not Understand His Learning

As a young man, Rabbi Chana had come to study at the renowned Galanta Yeshiva under the great Rabbi Yehoshua Buxbaum, author of Ohr Pnei Yehoshua. He arrived filled with enthusiasm and a powerful desire to devote himself to Torah study. But almost immediately, he encountered a painful problem: no matter how hard he tried, he could not understand what he was learning.

He invested countless hours reviewing and studying, but the material simply would not penetrate his mind. Rabbi Yehoshua tried to help him and asked some of the yeshiva’s finest students to learn with him, but nothing seemed to work.

Eventually, nearly overwhelmed by despair, Elchanan approached his rebbe. Since he could see that he was making no progress, he explained, he had decided to leave the yeshiva and find work. Rabbi Yehoshua understood his pain and agreed. He even helped him find respectable employment and carefully investigated the workplace to ensure that it would be suitable for him both spiritually and materially. The other students were saddened to hear that Elchanan was leaving. He was well liked, and they organized a farewell gathering in his honor.

Fifteen Minutes Before the Train

The following morning, the day he was scheduled to leave the yeshiva, Elchanan packed his belongings and prepared to head for the train station. He looked at the clock. There were still 15 minutes before his train was due to depart.

Despite everything, Elchanan loved Torah. He had even arranged with his future employer that he would have several hours each day to study whatever he was capable of learning. Now, with a few minutes to spare, he wanted to open a sefer and learn, but all his books were already packed.

Looking around the room, he noticed an old, battered, dust-covered sefer protruding from the top of a cabinet. He took it down, brushed off the dust, and opened it randomly. His eyes fell upon words that seemed almost impossible to ignore:

“When a person feels alone and there is no one who can help him, at that very moment a special opening is created in Heaven to bring him Divine assistance beyond the natural order. If he takes advantage of that moment, he can rise higher and higher in Torah and fear of Heaven.”

Elchanan would later say that at that moment, he felt as though the book were speaking directly to him. But rather than comforting him, the words initially made him angry. His situation was already painful enough. Why had he opened this book now, of all times? Frustrated, he grabbed the sefer and threw it back on top of the cabinet.

Was This a Message From Heaven?

His mind began racing. One thought told him: There are only a few minutes left. It’s already late. The train is coming. You need to leave. But another thought pushed back: That book was speaking directly to you. It describes exactly what you are going through. It had been sitting there untouched for who knows how long, and today, of all days, you opened it to those words at precisely this moment.

He began to feel that Hashem had sent him a direct message to go back to the yeshiva.

Elchanan paced back and forth, confused and distressed. Five minutes remained. His tremendous love for Torah pulled him toward staying, if only for one more day. But then another fear arose. How humiliating will it be to walk back into the beit midrash as though nothing happened? Everyone knows I decided to leave. They even made me a farewell party. What will they think when I suddenly return? They’ll think I’m unstable, that I change my mind from one moment to the next.

The minutes passed. Finally, Elchanan overcame his embarrassment and decided to remain in the yeshiva for one more day. Tomorrow, he told himself he would go to work. He put down his suitcase, took out his Gemara, and walked back into the beit midrash.

The Embarrassing Return

Everything he had feared happened. The students turned their heads. An uncomfortable silence descended over the room as they stared at him in astonishment. What happened? Has Elchanan lost his mind? We gave him a farewell party yesterday, and now he’s back?

Elchanan summoned all his strength, ignored the stares, returned to his place on the back bench, and began learning. He tried to review the material the yeshiva had studied the previous day. As usual, he struggled. A difficult calculation in the Gemara prevented him from understanding the passage.

His frustration began to rise again. Finally, as he had done so many times before, he gathered his courage and asked the student sitting nearby to explain what he was missing. The student studied the question, and then a look of surprise crossed his face.

“Do you realize,” he said, “that this isn’t simply something you failed to understand? This is the Rashba’s question on the passage. It is a major difficulty that lies at the heart of the entire discussion, and the Rishonim struggle to resolve it.”

Elchanan stared at him in disbelief. “The Rashba?” he asked. “The Rashba asks this? You must be mistaken. My questions aren’t the Rashba’s questions.”

The student smiled. “Let’s get the sefer and see.”

The Question of the Rashba

Together they walked to the bookshelf, took down the Chiddushei HaRashba, and opened it. There it was. Elchanan’s supposedly “simple” question appeared in the sacred words of the Rashba.

Overwhelmed with excitement, Elchanan returned to his learning with renewed determination. Throughout the rest of the study session, he delved deeper and deeper into the material. Then something even more extraordinary happened: he arrived at two additional questions that also appeared in the classical commentaries.

Never before had anything like this happened to him. In a single study session, after believing himself incapable of learning successfully, he had independently arrived at three questions raised by major Torah commentators.

After that remarkable day, Elchanan made a decision. If Hashem had shown him so clearly how much he was capable of achieving, he would remain in yeshiva and discover the full extent of his abilities. From that day forward, Elchanan experienced extraordinary siyata d’Shmaya, Divine assistance. He continued learning, progressing, and growing until he ultimately became an accomplished Torah scholar.

“This Is the Story of My Life”

When Rabbi Moshe Mordechai finished telling the story, he turned toward the elderly Rabbi Elchanan sitting beside him. “Rabbi Chana,” he asked, “is the story true?”

“Yes! Yes!” Rabbi Chana replied emotionally. “That is the story of my life.”

Rabbi Turk concluded with the lesson at the heart of the story. Young Elchanan had been alone, discouraged, and frustrated. Yet it was precisely from that place of difficulty and loneliness that he found the strength to draw closer to Hashem and discover abilities he never knew he possessed.

Sometimes the moment when a person feels most alone is not the end of the story. It can become the very place where a new closeness to Hashem begins. Yaakov was “left alone.” And it is Hashem of whom Scripture says: “And Hashem alone shall be exalted.”