Why Yom Kippur Cannot Forgive Every Sin: The Importance of Making Amends

Two daily halachot from BeHalacha U’BeAggadah, based on the rulings of Maran Rabbi Ovadia Yosef.

Why Must a Person Seek Forgiveness From Someone They Have Wronged, Especially Before Yom Kippur?

Repentance and Yom Kippur atone for sins between a person and God, such as eating forbidden food and similar transgressions. However, sins committed against another person, such as physically harming someone, cursing them, stealing from them, or similar offenses, are not forgiven until the offender repays whatever is owed and seeks the other person’s forgiveness.

Even if the person caused pain only through words, they must seek forgiveness until the other person forgives them. Causing pain through words is considered even more serious than causing financial harm. This is certainly true when someone humiliates another person publicly, which our Sages compare to shedding blood.

How Do You Ask Forgiveness From Someone Who Has Passed Away?

If a person wronged someone and that individual died before forgiveness could be requested, the offender should bring ten people to the deceased person’s grave and say in their presence: “I have sinned against Hashem, the God of Israel, and against this person, for I did such-and-such to them.”

If the deceased is buried in another city, it is sufficient to ask forgiveness from the deceased in the presence of ten people. However, if the offender has a friend who lives in the city where the deceased is buried, they should appoint that person as an agent to ask forgiveness on their behalf in the presence of ten people at the grave.

If money was owed to the deceased, it must be repaid to the deceased’s heirs.

Daily Quote

“There is a type of fear that is good, as it is written (Proverbs 28:14), ‘Fortunate is the person who is always fearful.’

“Our Sages of blessed memory explained (Berachot 60a) that this refers to matters of Torah. A person’s heart should always be concerned about Torah and mitzvot, wondering whether he has fulfilled them as he ought to have done...

“He should be concerned that perhaps his deeds will not find favor before the exalted King, in accordance with the extent of his obligations, his individual capabilities, and the material from which he is formed. In this way, he will ascend from one spiritual level to another.

“For this is one of man’s great failings on earth: he is satisfied with his portion and congratulates himself, saying, ‘Praise be to me, for I am a proper Jew. I neither murder, commit adultery, nor steal. I simply say my prayers every day, my righteousness testifies for me, I enjoy the fruits of my labor, and no sin can be found in all my efforts.’ As a result, no one takes to heart the need to rise to higher levels, nor does he regret his shortcomings, because his own conduct appears pure and upright in his eyes.”

— Pele Yoetz, “Fear”

Understanding the Quote

The Pele Yoetz explains the concept of positive fear in serving Hashem, drawing on the verse in Proverbs, “Fortunate is the person who is always fearful.”

There is a type of fear that is positive and desirable. This is not a paralyzing fear, but one that motivates and awakens a person. The Pele Yoetz explains that our Sages understood the verse as referring to concern regarding Torah and mitzvot. A person should maintain a healthy sense of spiritual vigilance, asking: Have I fulfilled the mitzvot properly? Have I done everything expected of me?

A person should also consider whether their deeds are truly pleasing before Hashem, particularly in light of their individual spiritual level, abilities, and opportunities. This type of concern encourages continual spiritual growth, enabling a person to advance from one level to the next.

The Pele Yoetz warns against what he describes as one of humanity’s great failings: spiritual complacency. A person may tell himself, “I am a good Jew. I don’t murder or steal. I pray every day, earn my living honestly, and I’m not doing anything seriously wrong.”

Such self-satisfaction can cause a person to become content with their current spiritual state. They stop striving to grow, fail to recognize their shortcomings, and no longer feel a need to improve because, in their own eyes, they are already righteous and upright.

The central lesson of the Pele Yoetz is that healthy fear and spiritual vigilance can serve as powerful forces for continued growth in serving Hashem. Without them, a person may become satisfied with what they have already achieved and stop moving forward.

When a person begins to feel that they are already “good enough” in their service of Hashem, their spiritual growth can come to a standstill. According to the Pele Yoetz, this complacency is precisely what we must guard against.