What If I Don’t Feel Strong Enough for the Trial Hashem Gave Me?

When my son was diagnosed with autism, people told me, “He has a lofty soul.”

When my daughter was diagnosed with autism, they told me, “Now you have experience. It will be easier.”

When my youngest daughter was diagnosed with autism, they told me, “You are not given a trial you cannot withstand.”

And I just asked: Who? Who said I could withstand it? Who even asked me?

I did not ask for this.

Intellectually, I believe all the things people say to comfort us: “Everything is for the best,” “Everything is according to Hashem’s plan,” and “Hashem would not give you more than you can bear.” They are beautiful and comforting ideas in theory. Putting them into practice in real time is much harder.

This trial, the one I was supposedly able to withstand, made me start asking questions. I could not understand why the Creator of the world, who knows me better than anyone, had decided I could handle raising three children on the autism spectrum. I am not strong enough, not tough enough, and certainly not brave enough. So why?

And that is how it is in all of our lives. There are moments when the world as we know it feels as though it is collapsing. We receive a difficult medical diagnosis, go through a crisis in our relationship, struggle to make ends meet, face challenges with a child, or lose someone close to our hearts. The first question we ask ourselves is: “How am I supposed to get through this?”

And yet, precisely in those darkest moments, there is an idea meant to give us a point of light: Hashem does not put a person through a trial they are unable to withstand.

It can sound like a classic inspirational saying, the kind that is much easier to say to someone else than to ourselves. But behind it lies a powerful idea: the Creator of the world, who made us and knows us better than we know ourselves, knows the strength He placed within us.

The question is how to believe that when, in reality, what we are facing does not feel manageable at all.

Where Does This Idea Come From?

Chazal express a related idea with the phrase l’fum gamla shichna, which literally means, “According to the camel, the load.” In other words, a load is placed according to the capacity of the one carrying it.

The message is that Hashem, who formed our souls and knows exactly where our strengths and limitations lie, knows what each of us is capable of carrying.

We see the power of enduring difficult trials throughout Tanakh as well. Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah each experienced profound pain, longing, and years of waiting. Their struggles became an important part of the spiritual legacy they left behind, and these women continue to serve as examples for Jewish women throughout the generations.

Another striking perspective emerges from the story of Pharaoh.

At the burning bush, Hashem commands Moshe to ask Pharaoh to allow the Children of Israel to leave for a three-day journey. This raises an interesting question: Why begin with such a limited request rather than demanding their complete freedom?

The Alshich HaKadosh explains that had Pharaoh initially been asked to release the entire nation permanently, it would have been a demand that was beyond what he was prepared to accept. Giving up an enormous population of slaves completely was beyond his capacity and character. Instead, Pharaoh was first presented with a limited request that he was capable of fulfilling: allow them to leave for three days.

When he refused even that, his refusal revealed the depth of his cruelty and stubbornness.

According to this explanation, even Pharaoh was confronted with a demand he had the capacity to meet. How much more meaningful, then, is the idea that Hashem knows the abilities and limitations of His beloved children.

No One Said It Would Be Easy

Saying that a person has the capacity to endure a trial does not mean the trial will be easy or painless.

Sometimes it hurts deeply. Sometimes it lasts far longer than we imagined. Sometimes it comes with tears, exhaustion, fear, and sleepless nights.

Having the capacity to cope also does not mean we will feel strong every moment. Strength can include crying, struggling, needing help, and admitting that something feels unbearable.

The idea is not that we should minimize our pain or pretend everything is fine. Rather, even within the pain, there may be emotional and spiritual resources within us that we have not yet discovered.

Think of a fitness coach who gives someone a weight designed to challenge and strengthen them rather than simply leaving them exactly where they are. The challenge is difficult precisely because it demands something more.

Hashem knows us more deeply than anyone else could. He knows not only the strengths we already recognize, but also those that may emerge only when we need them.

How Can We Remember This When It Matters Most?

In the middle of a crisis, spiritual ideas can be much harder to hold onto. That is why it can help to turn them into practical tools.

Look Back

When we look back at previous challenges, we can often see things we once thought we would never get through.

Perhaps we did not handle them perfectly. Perhaps there were setbacks, tears, or moments when we felt completely lost. But we continued.

Remembering what we have already survived can become an anchor when the present feels overwhelming.

Remember That You Do Not Have to Do It Alone

The strength Hashem gives us does not necessarily mean the strength to handle everything by ourselves.

Sometimes that strength comes through family, friends, community, or professional support. Asking for help is not evidence that we have failed the test. The people and resources around us can themselves be part of the help Hashem has provided.

Turn to Prayer

Turning to Hashem during a difficult time is itself one of the tools available to us.

Prayer is not only a request for salvation. It can also be a place to express pain, fear, anger, confusion, and hope, and to remember that we are not facing our struggles alone.

Hannah is one of the clearest examples. In the midst of her profound pain over not having a child, she poured out her heart to Hashem. Her prayer became one of the defining models of personal prayer in Jewish tradition.

Give Yourself Time

Sometimes strength does not appear in the first moment of a crisis. It develops gradually as we learn how to live with a new reality.

At first, it may feel as though the entire world has collapsed. Slowly, we learn what the next step looks like, and then the one after that.

Coping does not always mean suddenly becoming fearless. Sometimes it simply means continuing.

Believe in Yourself and in the Creator Who Made You

The idea that Hashem knows what we are capable of can ultimately become an invitation to trust: trust in the Creator, who knows exactly what has been placed before us, and trust that we may possess strengths we have not yet discovered.

When the ground beneath us seems to give way, helplessness can easily take over. At those moments, remind yourself that you do not have to know immediately how you will get through everything.

Maybe you will need help. Maybe you will need prayer. Maybe you will cry more than you ever thought possible. Maybe you will discover strength slowly rather than all at once.

Getting through a trial does not mean doing it gracefully every day. It means continuing to take the next step.

A Point of Light

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me” (Psalms 23:4).

Perhaps that is one of the deepest sources of strength during difficult times. We do not always know why a particular trial has entered our lives, and we do not always feel capable of facing it.

But we can know that we are not walking through it alone.

Even in the darkest moments, Hashem is with us.