Parenting Advice: How to Handle ADHD, School Struggles, and Temper Tantrums

I am the mother of an 11-year-old boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD. He takes medication and has received psychological treatment for several months. He struggles to wake up on time, frequently forgets school supplies because of organizational difficulties, and rushes out of the house in a panic, usually after we, his parents, become angry with him because we are all running late. He also experiences social difficulties, and his repeated experiences of failure leave him frustrated and damage his self-esteem. How can we help him?

First, it is important to provide the child, and perhaps his parents as well, with psychoeducation about ADHD. Understanding the condition, its characteristics, and its symptoms can help everyone recognize that the child's difficulties do not stem from a flawed personality or a lack of motivation, but rather from genuine challenges associated with the disorder.

ADHD is a neurological difference that can involve heightened activity in the amygdala, the area of the brain involved in processing fear and anxiety. This may contribute to difficulties with emotional regulation and, at times, physical and sensory regulation, potentially affecting a child's self-esteem. Without appropriate treatment, children with ADHD may also develop additional difficulties, including depression, anxiety, and aggressive behavior.

Traditional therapeutic approaches sometimes focus heavily on a child's past failures, which can make the experience even more discouraging. A child may appear unwilling to cooperate or uninterested in treatment, when in reality, he may simply feel that nobody truly sees or understands him. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be helpful for people with ADHD.

To make mornings easier, begin by working together to establish a clear sequence of activities. Create a practical morning schedule, use a planner or calendar, and prepare problem-solving strategies in advance. These tools can help your son develop organizational skills while reducing the pressure and frustration that often accompany the morning routine.

Yaffa Ifergan, MA, educator and CBT therapist in the "Nafshi B'She'elati" department

My daughter recently started first grade. To our surprise, she began experiencing difficulties almost immediately. She struggles to sit still, connect with her teacher, and make friends. Instead of enjoying the beginning of the school year, she seems to be having a difficult time. How can we determine what is causing these problems?

First of all, it is encouraging that you have noticed your daughter's difficulties. When challenges are addressed early, it is often possible to prevent them from becoming more serious.

I suggest beginning with small, practical steps. Speak with her teacher to find out how she sees your daughter and what she has observed about her social relationships. Is your daughter functioning well in the classroom? Does she listen, participate, and complete the tasks expected of her?

Compare what your daughter tells you about school with the teacher's observations. Looking at the situation from both perspectives can help you develop a more complete understanding of what she is experiencing.

If the teacher identifies a particular difficulty, ask what she believes might be contributing to it. For example, if your daughter is struggling to make friends, try to understand what might be preventing her from forming connections.

There is another important point to consider. Many parents and kindergarten teachers enthusiastically tell children who are about to enter first grade that school will be absolutely wonderful. They describe it as an exciting, delightful experience in which everything will be perfect.

However, when children actually begin first grade, they sometimes discover that reality is more complicated. There may certainly be enjoyable experiences, but school also involves rules, responsibilities, challenges, and unfamiliar social situations. The gap between expectations and reality can leave a child feeling disappointed or overwhelmed.

One of the most important things you can give your daughter is the knowledge that she always has someone to turn to. When a child knows that her mother is available to listen, understand, encourage, and support her, she is better equipped to navigate the challenges of school life.

There is a good chance that your daughter is simply experiencing an adjustment period rather than a more significant problem. There is also a possibility that she needs additional support. There is no reason to panic, but there is every reason to look more closely at what is happening and seek assistance from the school if necessary.

Menucha Fuchs, author, educational specialist, marriage counselor, and head of the Chedvat Hashem Girls' Seminary

My two-year-old son had a temper tantrum when I refused to buy him an expensive toy at a toy store. He began crying, screaming, and throwing himself onto the floor. What is the right way to handle this situation?

The most effective approach combines warmth and emotional connection with clear, consistent boundaries. In challenging moments, it is especially important for parents to remain calm and confident. When a parent responds with composure, it communicates a sense of inner authority and stability to the child.

For example, you might say, "I understand that you really want this toy, but we can't buy it right now." This response acknowledges the child's feelings without changing the decision. It communicates empathy while maintaining the boundary.

You can also offer a simple, gentle explanation that helps your child begin to understand limitations. For example, "This toy is too expensive for us right now, but we can look together for something else that works for us."

If the child has difficulty calming down, try redirecting his attention toward something positive. You might suggest, "Let's go and look at some of the other toys in the store."

When things are calmer at home, you can use the experience as an opportunity for age-appropriate guidance. These conversations gradually help children develop problem-solving skills and learn how to recognize and process their emotions.

Everyday situations like these can also provide opportunities to teach children how to delay gratification. For example, you might make a list of toys your child likes and explain that you can consider purchasing one in the future when circumstances allow.

The goal is not simply to stop the tantrum, but to help the child gradually develop the ability to cope with disappointment and frustration. By responding with both compassion and firmness, parents can preserve their child's dignity while helping him understand that not every desire can be fulfilled immediately. Over time, this approach encourages respect for parental decisions and an awareness of real-life limitations.

Sigalit Dahan, marriage and parenting coach specializing in integrative Jewish psychotherapy