Why Is Hashem Testing Me So Much?

"Hashem, WHY?!"

Why is this happening to me? Why another disappointment? Why another rejection? Why do I have to struggle so much?

I'm trying to do good! I'm trying to be a better person! I became more religious, gave up things I loved, started keeping mitzvot, changed my entire life for You.

So why, Hashem? Why does everything have to be so hard?

Now I want you to think about something.

Why did Avraham Avinu have to go through ten challenges?

Avraham Avinu! The man who dedicated his entire life to bringing the world closer to Hashem. Together with Sarah Imeinu, he taught people about their Creator. Avraham taught the men, Sarah taught the women. Their entire lives were dedicated to Hashem.

And what did Avraham receive?

Ten extraordinary tests.

Why?

Because a nisayon, a test or challenge, isn't coming to destroy you. It's coming to lift you up.

And once you understand what's really happening when Hashem sends you a challenge, you will never look at your struggles the same way again.

Hashem Checked Your Shoulders Before He Sent You This

Before Hashem gives you a nisayon, He checks something.

The width of your shoulders.

Can you carry this? Is your neshama strong enough? Are you capable of overcoming this challenge?

Only then does He decide whether or not to send it.

Do you understand what that means?

Hashem does not give you a challenge you cannot overcome. If He gave it to you, He already knows you're strong enough to overcome it!

Maybe you're struggling with anxiety. Maybe you've experienced a terrible loss. Maybe your heart is broken because someone you wanted to marry rejected you.

Maybe you're experiencing such a difficult period that you can barely get out of bed.

And what does the yetzer hara tell you?

"You're not strong enough. Look at you! You can't handle this!"

LIES!

Hashem, who created you, who knows every angle of your neshama, knows what He placed inside you.

And the yetzer hara wants you to believe the exact opposite.

Don't give him that victory.

You might need time. You might need help. You might cry a thousand tears before you find your way through.

But don't ever believe that your loving Father has given you a challenge you cannot overcome.

Would Avraham Avinu Have Chosen His Ten Tests?

Imagine approaching Avraham Avinu before his ten nisyonot.

"Avraham, would you like ten enormous challenges? Would you like to experience pain, fear, and uncertainty, and have your emunah tested again and again?"

What do you think he would answer?

Probably no!

And who can blame him?

The Gemara tells us about a sage who suffered terribly. When asked whether he wanted his suffering, he responded:

"לא הן ולא שכרן"

"Neither the suffering nor its reward."

He didn't want it!

Most people don't want challenges. We want peace, health, happiness, parnassa, a beautiful family.

But here's what we don't understand while we're suffering.

Avraham Avinu became Avraham Avinu through those ten tests. Not despite them, but because of them!!

Without those nisyonot, he would not have reached those extraordinary spiritual heights.

The very things he might have wished to avoid became the things that elevated him.

And now think about your own life.

What if the challenge you're begging Hashem to take away is the very challenge He sent to make you great?

There Is a Battle in Shamayim Over You

Now listen to this.

In the story of Iyov, we get a glimpse into what happens in Shamayim.

There is a spiritual accusation, a kitrug.

And Rabbi Igal Cohen explains the battle through a powerful image.

Imagine two angels arguing over YOU.

One angel stands up and says:

"Look at this person! Look how hard they're trying! Look how many mitzvot they've done! Look what they've sacrificed for Hashem!

"Give them the husband they've been dreaming of! Give them children! Give them health, happiness, a beautiful home, financial abundance! They deserve it!"

And then the accusing angel interrupts.

"Wait a minute! What about this transgression? What about that mistake? You think this person deserves all those blessings?"

And Hashem, your loving, merciful Father, sees everything.

He knows your mistakes.

But He also knows your heart.

He knows how hard you're trying. He knows what you've given up. He knows the battles nobody else sees.

And Hashem gives the person a nisayon.

Overcome this challenge, and receive the blessing.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

That nisayon was handpicked for you by Hashem so that you could receive the divine abundance waiting for you!

All you have to do is stand strong and overcome it.

You thought the nisayon was blocking your happiness.

The nisayon is the doorway to your happiness!

And what about those challenges that keep coming back again and again?

The same struggle. The same weakness. The same disappointment.

What if Hashem keeps giving you another opportunity because He wants to shower you with blessings?

The blessing is waiting, but you need to overcome the challenge to receive it.

Don't block the tzinor, the channel through which Hashem wants to send you His abundance.

Don't miss what He's trying to give you.

But Can You Receive the Blessing Without Letting It Change You?

You want success?

Wonderful.

You want a beautiful home? A wonderful spouse? Financial abundance?

Hashem can give you all of it.

In one second!

You think Hashem can't bring you the kindest, most wonderful, humble, God-fearing spouse in the world?

Of course He can!

But here's the question.

What will happen to you when you finally receive what you've been praying for?

Will you appreciate that person? Will you respect them?

Or will you start thinking you deserve something better?

You want wealth?

Fine. But will you remember where it came from?

Or will you stand there announcing, "Look what I built! Look how smart I am! Look how hard I worked!"

Your intelligence? From Hashem.

Your strength? From Hashem.

Your opportunities? From Hashem.

Every bit of success you have is from Him.

And when your ego convinces you that you're the one controlling everything, you lose the blessing waiting for you in Shamayim.

Sometimes the nisayon isn't about how much you want something.

It's about whether you're ready to receive it.

Hashem gives gifts to those who know how to overcome their challenges.

David Hamelech Was Humiliated. Look What He Did.

Imagine someone standing in front of the king of Israel and cursing him.

Not whispering behind his back.

Publicly humiliating him!

That's what happened to David Hamelech when Shimi ben Gera cursed him.

The people around David were furious.

How dare anyone speak to the king of Israel that way?!

But David Hamelech didn't respond the way we might expect.

He said:

"ה' אמר לו קלל"

"Hashem told him to curse."

What?!

The holy King David understood that even this humiliation was happening under Hashem's providence. That Hashem told him to curse.

According to the teaching brought by Rabbi Igal Cohen, it was through overcoming this extraordinary test that King David merited becoming the fourth leg of the heavenly Merkava.

Now think about what happens to us.

Someone insults you, and your entire day is ruined.

Someone rejects you, and you feel worthless.

A shidduch doesn't work out, and suddenly you're wondering whether Hashem even hears your tefillot.

But what if that exact moment is your nisayon?

You can cry. Of course you can cry!

But after you cry, can you lift your eyes toward Shamayim and say:

"Hashem, this hurts terribly. But I know You're in charge. I know You love me. And I know this is for my good."

That is how you overcome the nisayon. That is how you rise to the next level.

You Want to Know When Your Emunah Is Really Tested?

When Hashem says NO.

When everything is wonderful, we're all thanking Hashem.

"Thank You for my children! Thank You for my health! Thank You for my home! Thank You for my parnassa!"

But what happens when Hashem takes something away?

What happens when you don't get what you desperately wanted?

Imagine you're dating someone. You really want it to work. You've developed feelings, you're already imagining your future together.

But then you realize this person doesn't have the yirat Shamayim you need in a spouse.

You know you need to walk away.

And it breaks your heart.

You cry. You feel miserable. You don't understand why Hashem brought this person into your life.

But WAIT.

Do you realize what you just did?

You gave up something you wanted so badly because you love Hashem more!

You chose His will over your own desires.

That's not just a heartbreak. That's a victory!

You should be rejoicing that you overcame such a difficult nisayon!

You made a sacrifice in honor of Hashem, and you brought your blessing closer.

This is what loyalty means.

It's easy to love Hashem when He gives us yes after yes.

But can you still love Him when He says no?

Can you tell Him:

"Hashem, I love You. I am with You in the fire and in the water. When You give me what I want, I love You. And when You don't, I still love You."

When you accept Hashem's no with love, you bring yourself closer to His yes.

The Two Years Rabbi Igal Cohen Thought He Had Lost

Rabbi Igal Cohen didn't grow up with everything handed to him.

He experienced financial difficulties, challenges with shalom bayit, a difficult childhood, and seven years of waiting for children.

While people around him seemed to be moving forward and getting everything so easily, he was struggling.

And there came an especially painful period.

For approximately two years, he experienced such profound emotional difficulty that he could barely get out of bed.

Imagine that.

A person who loves Torah, who wants to learn, grow, accomplish, and serve Hashem, feeling unable to do the very things that give his life meaning.

Later, he turned to his wife and asked:

"Isn't it such a shame? Those two years when I couldn't learn Torah properly. I wasted so much of my life."

And his wife gave him an answer that changes everything.

"Without those two years, you wouldn't have become Rabbi Igal Cohen."

Read that again.

Without those two years, he wouldn't have become the person he is today.

Because today, when someone comes to him overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, financial problems, or difficulties at home, he understands.

Not because he read about suffering.

Because he's lived through it.

He knows what it means to feel that everything is falling apart.

He knows what it means to struggle.

And now he can use that understanding to help thousands of other people.

The very years he thought were wasted became part of what prepared him for his life's mission.

Hashem was preparing him for the people he would one day strengthen.

And your challenges are preparing you, too.

Your Greatest Growth Happens in the Darkness

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches us something extraordinary.

Even when Hashem seems completely hidden, He is there.

You feel alone?

He's there.

You feel abandoned?

He's there.

You're sitting in your room crying, wondering why your tefillot aren't being answered?

He's right there with you.

There is nowhere Hashem is not present.

And the deepest darkness is where some of our greatest growth happens.

Think about Rabbi Nachman himself.

How many challenges did he endure? How much opposition, humiliation, illness, and pain?

He died so young.

But he became Rabbi Nachman of Breslov because of these challenges, and his teachings continue strengthening people around the world until this very day.

Look at the Chazon Ish and the Chafetz Chaim, who experienced difficulties that interfered with their precious Torah learning. 

Did you know the Chazon Ish didn't learn Torah for a whole year?

And what about Rabbi Akiva?

When the Romans tortured him with iron combs, he was reciting Shema Yisrael.

His students couldn't understand.

Even NOW you're declaring your love for Hashem?!

And Rabbi Akiva explained that he had waited his entire life for the opportunity to fulfill the words "בכל נפשך" — to love Hashem with all his soul.

This is what true loyalty looks like.

Not only when life is beautiful.

Not only when Hashem gives you everything you've requested.

But even when you're standing in the middle of the fire.

Your Salvation May Be Just Across the Hall

Now I want you to imagine something.

You've been praying for years.

For a shidduch.

For children.

For financial relief.

For health.

For something that means the entire world to you.

And just as you're beginning to lose hope, another challenge arrives.

"Hashem, seriously?! Another one? Haven't I been through enough?"

But if you could see what's happening in Shamayim,  you would probably see your longed-for salvation just across the hall.

Hashem sent you this challenge to test your loyalty and prepare you for the blessing.

Overcome the nisayon, and you bring the blessing closer.

Think of Iyov.

He lost his wealth, his children, and his health. He experienced unimaginable suffering.

But his story didn't end there.

After his trials, Hashem restored his fortunes and gave him twice the wealth he previously possessed.

The challenge was not the end of his story.

It came before extraordinary blessing.

And right now, you cannot see the end of your story either.

So don't decide that your story is over just because this chapter hurts.

One Day, You'll Look Back and Understand

There are two ways to respond to a nisayon.

One person receives a challenge and immediately says:

"Why me? I can't do this! It's too hard! I don't deserve this!"

And another person, even with tears streaming down their face, says:

"Hashem, I don't know how I'm going to get through this. But I know You're my Father. I know You love me. Please give me the strength to remain loyal to You."

Which person do you want to become?

You don't have to enjoy suffering.

You don't have to pretend you're fine.

You can cry. You can feel sad. You can ask for help.

But don't abandon Hashem.

Don't let the yetzer hara convince you that your pain means you've been forgotten.

You became more religious and now you're facing challenges?

Don't ask, "Why is this happening when I've done so much for Hashem?"

Remember Avraham Avinu.

Remember David Hamelech.

Remember Rabbi Akiva.

Remember every great tzaddik who endured difficult nisyonot and emerged spiritually greater.

They became great because they overcame their challenges.

And you can, too.

Remember the battles you've already won.

The things you've sacrificed for Hashem.

The temptations you've resisted.

The mitzvot you've kept when it wasn't convenient.

The moments when you chose Hashem even though it hurt.

None of that is forgotten in Shamayim.

And your next nisayon is another opportunity to receive the blessings Hashem has been waiting to give you.

So the next time you're sitting in the darkness, crying over something you cannot understand, look toward Shamayim.

"Hashem, I love You. I trust You. I'm not giving up on You. Please help me overcome this."

Because your challenges are not coming to keep you small. They're coming to make you great.

The very thing you're crying about today may be the very thing bringing you closer to the blessing you've been waiting for.

Hashem has already given you the strength to overcome your nisayon. Now it's your turn to stand strong and receive the blessing waiting on the other side.

And when the darkness seems overwhelming?

Hold on tight.

You're about to rise higher than you ever imagined.

Based on a shiur by HaRav Igal Cohen.