Dating - What Should One Feel Between Meetings?

To the one searching for her other half, Shalom and blessings

I did not address you with this title without purpose; I hope that in time you will understand 

Now, to the body of the answer, with your permission, I will respond with two answers, as if two people (from different perspectives) asked the same question.

The first, to one who wants to cancel a match - what is the definition of being picky? And is it true that 'I canceled because I was being picky'?

The second, to the one searching for a match - but finding it difficult to decide, since the guy is 'excellent with good qualities and fear of Heaven and everything is fine,' yet on the other hand, 'I am not attracted to him' and 'this probably isn't my match'! (- of course, this is not referring to this specific guy). 

A) A girl who does not feel 'attracted' to a guy, for any reason, does not need to, and it's even prohibited for her to 'complete' a match! A 'match' is a spiritual matter that cannot be measured technically, thus both parties (the guy and the girl) must feel some positive 'feeling' towards each other. As long as they do not feel this feeling (which is somewhat hard to define for someone who has not experienced it), they should not finalize a match. Only they should express their opinion on this delicate and important matter.

Anyone who tries to push a label of 'picky' and so on is speaking from an 'interest,' even if the 'interest' is for the girl's benefit. She should not be tempted to finalize the match for now, as long as she does not feel attraction or the like.

Perhaps it would be wise to meet again, but before that, I recommend proceeding to the next response... 

B) When a serious girl approaches dating, she must understand what is essential and what is secondary, what is supposed to 'capture her heart' and what is merely external charm and glitter, which, while not harmful, will not be very helpful either. The dating phase is when a person begins to 'settle down,' thus they seek a partner who will support them in this settling (as it is written, 'It is not good for man to be alone; I will make for him a helper corresponding to him').

Since settling down usually begins with building a private home (marriage), it is essential for the seeker of a partner to first know themselves and their needs and how they envision their home. [It is also advisable to make a brief self-inventory and dive into the depths of the heart to see where they are headed]. Only then should they search for a partner who will accompany them on their path and join them in building their home-fortress. Only then will they know what and who to look for and what they want from their future partner - a partner who, with G-d's help, will accompany them for many good and pleasant years ahead. It is also important to emphasize that since they are looking for a 'partner,' it is not essential that the couple be identical; rather, it is more important that they are similar, so they can complement each other positively and maturely and thereby build their home and their future.

This, it seems, is the stage in which you currently find yourself. Therefore, it is important for you to understand who you are, what you are looking for, and who could represent your 'other half.' Now, to the essence of the question, you alone must establish your priorities regarding what is more important to you and what is less important. And since in this world there is no 'perfection' and one cannot expect a perfect guy - without any flaws, one must consider what they are willing to compromise on and what is impossible and/or forbidden to compromise on. What speaks to you more and what speaks to you less, etc.

And of course, without prayer, nothing can be done. One must always pray, especially before a significant step like choosing a life partner, that Hashem will part the sea for you and you will find your treasure!

With wishes for success and favor in your endeavors

Tzvi