עברית
Faith
Matching Compatibility by Zodiac Signs or Names in Shidduchim
Question
I added a name three years ago, and since then I have felt a revolutionary change, including changes in my fortune and character traits. Is there a connection between a person’s name and its influence on the match? If I changed my name, could it mean that my match was also changed? And is it my obligation to check compatibility based on zodiac signs or names, or should I proceed straightforwardly, because I feel that investigating this might weaken my faith and trust in Hashem? If I investigate this with my limited intellect, I would appreciate hearing a rabbinic opinion based on Torah. Thank you very much!!
Answer
Greetings,
1. It cannot be that your match was changed due to adding a name.
2. One should not check whether there is compatibility between prospective spouses based on zodiac signs, as ruled in Shulchan Aruch Yoreh De'ah (siman 147, se’if 1), where it states that one does not inquire about contracts according to the stars. The reason, as the Rema writes there, is based on the verse (Deuteronomy 18:13) "You shall be wholehearted with Hashem your God." Likewise, one should not check for compatibility based on names. As written in Sha'arei Halacha u'Minhag (Part Even HaEzer, page 70) in response to an inquiry, one should not consider what is found in various books concerning the calculation of names, since we rely solely on the words of our rabbis in such matters, founded upon the verse "You shall be wholehearted with Hashem your God." Specifically regarding shidduchim, the verse (Proverbs 19:14) "House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from Hashem" underscores the need to prioritize Torah and mitzvot and to judge proposals by the woman’s fear of Hashem and wisdom. One who does not adhere strictly to what is found in these books—referenced as "pashita" and "pashita" (plain and simple)—we do not accept stringency, especially since books like those mentioned in the inquiry require significant scrutiny as to their reliability and authority; they may have been intended only for their specific audience. Furthermore, in Sefer Shemot Ba’aretz (page 29), quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, shlit"a, it is written that some calculate the husband’s and wife’s names with gematria (numerical value) in both large and small forms, but we do not know which calculations correspond to an auspicious match and which do not. Only those endowed with an inspired spirit should perform such calculations. Similarly, see Asheri Ha’ish, Part Even HaEzer, Part 1, chapter 4, se’if 1. Instead, one should only verify general compatibility in views and future aspirations, mutual attraction, and the heart’s inclination. And pray to Hashem that He guide you by good counsel if this is the proper and fitting match for you. Blessings and success, Hillel Meirs
