עברית
Women
The Mitzvah of Onah
Question
I wanted to ask about the mitzvah of onah. Who is obligated in it? If the man is obligated and he does not fulfill the mitzvah, what is his punishment? It is the man who must give his wife satisfaction in this area, and not the other way around. For example, if the wife wants to be with her husband today. She feels the need and desire to be with him, and he does not want to. Rather, he prefers another time, when he will have desire or will not be tired. What does halacha say: is the mitzvah of onah when the woman wants, or when the man wants? There are times when the wife is hurt that the man does not have marital relations with her because it is not convenient for him. We are not speaking about daily relations, but after a week has passed since the second time. One must remember that in general there is only a limited amount of time for this mitzvah if the wife is not pregnant. This also applies to delaying immersion in the mikveh. They say that one may not delay, because one must consider the husband. What about considering the wife? In short, I would appreciate an explanation on this subject. Thank you
Answer
Peace and blessings
Forgive me for the great delay in giving the answer. Due to the burden on the system, I did not see your question until now, and I ask your forgiveness. Because of the length of time, perhaps this does not require much, and therefore I will write briefly; if necessary, I will add more.
If there is a need, the husband must give to his wife, and this is the essence of the mitzvah of onah. But the times of onah are according to the husband’s strength, as explained in Shulchan Aruch, where each person’s frequency differs according to the extent of his work. Therefore, it is understood that the circumstances must be taken into account when the husband is tired, but the husband must certainly make an effort to satisfy his wife to the maximum extent possible.
It is important to set expectations, and on the one hand the wife should give the man the understanding that he is not always able to have relations, and on the other hand the husband should try to make the effort to satisfy his wife, and without question it is possible to find the middle path between the two of you.
Success,
Binyamin Shmueli
