Relationships
Trust in My Boyfriend
Question
Hello, I have had a boyfriend for several months now (a serious relationship, not just casual), and sometimes I am afraid that he is looking at other girls. I have already seen him do this, in my opinion a few times, and once he admitted it and said he had only glanced and was not really staring, but in my intuition I was not really sure that was the case, because not every person in the street catches one`s attention and eye, and the very fact that someone else caught his attention bothers me. It hurts me. He is supposed to want only me, not other girls, and especially when he is with me, to look at others? That seems strange to me. I wanted to ask what the rabbi says about this, how am I supposed to relate to it? Does it mean he does not love me enough if he looks at other girls wearing revealing clothes in the street? What should I do in this situation? I would appreciate advice.
Answer
Hello and blessings,
It is the nature of a reasonable and normal person to be drawn to look at women, at least in a passing glance. This is how Hashem created the man, with the purpose that he be drawn to the opposite sex, and from this another generation will come, of course.
It is true that one who fears Heaven must work on himself not to be drawn after the desires of his eyes and must turn away his gaze, and this is an obligation from the Torah, as it is stated, And you shall not explore after your hearts and after your eyes. But it is clear that one should not view it as betrayal when a husband`s eyes fall on a strange woman. This does not mean that he wants someone else, and it does not mean that he is not satisfied with you. However, it is certainly the man`s role to guard his eyes and be very careful not to transgress the prohibition of looking at women. But it should not be seen as though you are somehow at fault, and it should not be taken as a personal injury, Heaven forbid.
May Hashem help that we all conduct ourselves with fear of Heaven and behave in purity as befits us.
With blessings,
Binyamin Shmueli
