Halachot and Customs
Times for Visiting a Gravesite After the First Year
Question
Rabbi, hello.
Are there specific times when one is permitted to visit a gravesite? My father passed away a year and a half ago at only 51, and is buried in Tzfat. My uncle claims that one is allowed to visit the gravesite only on the eve of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and on the yahrzeit, and that in general it is not good for a woman to go. I feel a need to go, and I am not always able to do so on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur. I would be glad to know when it is possible to go.
Answer
May you be blessed with gladness,
It is true that some have the custom not to visit the cemetery often, rather only on the day of the yahrzeit, and some have the custom not to go to the cemetery at all, and all the more so for women (Nitei Gavriel, Mourning, part 2, chapter 82, section 7). However, if you do not have such a custom, you may go on other days as well, except for Shabbat, Yom Tov, and Rosh Chodesh (see there, chapter 83, section 1), Chol HaMoed (there, section 4), and Purim (there, section 7). Likewise, one should not visit the cemetery during the month of Nissan.
There is an עניין that a woman should not enter the cemetery when she is menstruating, but for the purpose of erecting a matzeivah and for a yahrzeit, one need not be stringent about this (see Taharat HaBayit, part 2, siman 12, section 44).
The days when there is an עניין to go are: every erev Rosh Chodesh (see Nitei Gavriel there, chapter 82, section 1), and in the holy city of Jerusalem, may it be rebuilt, the custom is to go to the cemetery on erev Rosh Chodesh Nissan and on erev Rosh Chodesh Elul (Chazon Ovadia, Mourning, part 3, page 212, s.v. Minhag).
Erev Rosh Hashanah (see Rema, siman 581, section 4), and also throughout the month of Elul (Nitei Gavriel there, section 3). Some have the custom to go on erev Yom Kippur, and many have the custom to go one or two days before Yom Kippur, especially on the day of the Thirteen Attributes (there, section 4).
Good news,
Hillel Meirs
