Faith
Is It Permissible to Pray for a Boy Even Though the Tests Said It Is a Girl?
Question
Hello and blessings. I have daughters at home, healthy and whole, thank Hashem. I am in my fourth pregnancy. Ever since the first pregnancy, my husband and I have prayed for a boy and strengthened ourselves in faith. At my last checkup, in week 16, the doctor said I am having a girl. My question is whether halacha allows us to continue asking for a boy in this pregnancy. We believe that Hashem can do anything, and if He wishes, He can perform a miracle and give us a boy, but we are unsure because maybe this is what Hashem wanted us to see, and that we should stop asking. We are not righteous enough for Him to do such a great miracle for us. And maybe this is a test Hashem is placing before us and He wants to see whether we believe in Him enough, and we should indeed continue to ask? We read that it is permitted to pray until 40 days regarding the sex of the fetus, but my husband learned that according to the Jerusalem Talmud it is possible to pray until birth. I would appreciate an answer. A blessed week.
Answer
Hello, In the Babylonian Talmud, tractate Berachot (60a), it is explained that only until forty days may one ask for mercy that the child will be male; after that, it is considered a futile prayer. It is indeed brought in the Jerusalem Talmud, tractate Berachot (chapter 9, halacha 3, 66b), that only one who asks that his wife give birth to a male when she is already in labor is making a futile prayer, but before then one may ask for this. There is also an opinion there that holds that one may ask for this even when his wife is in labor. However, as is known, in any dispute between the Babylonian Talmud and the Jerusalem Talmud, we rule according to the Babylonian Talmud (see Rif at the end of tractate Eruvin, and Tosafot on tractate Berachot 39a, s.v. בצר), and according to this, here too one must rule like the Babylonian Talmud, that only until forty days may one ask for mercy that the child will be male. After that, it is considered a futile prayer. So too did the Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim (siman 230, seif 1) rule: if his wife was pregnant after forty days of pregnancy, and he said, May it be Your will that my wife give birth to a male, this is a futile prayer. The Mishnah Berurah (seif katan 1) explained that the form of the fetus has already taken shape, but within forty days prayer is effective. And even after forty days one may pray that the child be viable and be occupied with mitzvot and good deeds. It should be noted what the holy Ohr HaChaim wrote in his work Chafetz Hashem on tractate Berachot (60a, s.v. haita), that it is forbidden to pray a futile prayer. See also Yabia Omer, part 1 (Orach Chaim, siman 35, letter 11). And now, in your case, it is no longer possible to pray that the fetus be male, and you must believe with all your heart that this is the will of Hashem, and with Hashem's help you will yet merit healthy and whole male children devoted to His service.
With great blessings,
Hillel Meirs
