Being in Water as a Man and a Woman

Greetings and blessings

Going out as a couple does not permit conduct lacking in modesty before one’s partner. Until marriage, there is no permission at all to be lenient in matters of modesty, touching, and the like, and therefore a woman must be entirely modest; thus, in no way may one go into the water. If both of you are walking with proper modesty, there is also reason to be concerned about excessive affection that may, Heaven forbid, bring you to mishap.

And it is obvious that it is absolutely forbidden to go swimming in a mixed setting. I will cite the words of Maran, the Gaon R. Ovadia Yosef, in Yechaveh Daat, part 5, section 63, as follows:

Is it permitted for a man or a woman to bathe for medical reasons in a mixed sea, where there is no separation in the sea between men and women? 

Answer: First of all, we will explain that there is a very severe prohibition in mixed bathing of men and women, as the Sages said in an even greater case (Berakhot 61a): anyone who passes behind a woman by a river has no share in the World to Come. Rashi explained that this is because she lifts her garments, and he looks at her flesh.

The Tosafot wrote that this refers to one who does so habitually, because he will come to adultery and end up descending to Gehinnom. In the glosses of Yaavetz there, it is written that this is not specifically a married woman; the same applies even to an unmarried woman, who arouses the evil inclination within himself and removes shame from his face. See there. It is well known what is stated in the Jerusalem Talmud (Berakhot, chapter 1, halacha 5): the eyes and the heart are two agents of transgression; the eye sees and the heart covets, and therefore it is said, And you shall not stray after your hearts and after your eyes. And in tractate Avodah Zarah (20b), the Rabbis taught: And you shall guard yourself from every evil thing - that a person should not entertain forbidden thoughts by day and come to impurity by night.

The Tosafot wrote that this is a full Torah exposition. And Maran the Beit Yosef in Even HaEzer (section 21) brought what Rabbeinu Yonah wrote: it is forbidden to look at an unmarried woman by rabbinic tradition, as it is stated, I made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze upon a virgin? But with a married woman, the prohibition is from the Torah, as it is stated, And you shall not stray after your hearts and after your eyes. And this is the language of the Rambam (in chapter 4 of the Laws of Repentance, halacha 4): One who gazes at forbidden relations thinks that there is nothing in it, saying: Did I have relations with her, or come close to her? But he does not know that the gaze of the eyes is a great sin, for it leads to the actual sin of forbidden relations, as it is said, And you shall not stray after your hearts and after your eyes, and it causes repentance to be delayed.

Our Sages already said (Yoma 74b): Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the soul; better is the sight of the eyes in a woman’s body than the act itself. The Tosafot Yeshanim and the SMaG wrote that this has practical relevance regarding forbidden thoughts, which are more severe than the sin itself, and the Rambam explained in Moreh Nevuchim (part 3, chapter 8) that there is in this a very wondrous matter: for when a person sins in action with his body, he indeed rebels against Hashem because of the circumstances that follow from his physicality, yet in any case he has only rebelled because of the animal side within him.

But thought is among the human being’s qualities in his most noble faculty, and when he entertains thoughts of sin, it means that he has sinned with his intellect, which is his most noble part, and the sin of one who has acted and enslaved a foolish servant is not like the sin of one who has employed a noble and important servant. End quote. See Bava Batra (57b): And one who shuts his eyes from seeing evil. Rabbi Chiyya bar Abba said: This refers to one who does not look at women when they are standing over the washing. (Rashbam explained: that is, when he is walking along the riverbank and the women are accustomed to stand there with their lower legs exposed.) The Gemara objects: What are the circumstances? If there is another route, he is a wicked person.

(That is, if there is another way to pass there and he goes by this route even if he shuts his eyes, he is a wicked person, for he should not have approached that place and brought himself to a test; rather, he should have distanced himself from sin, as we hold in Chullin (44b): distance yourself from ugliness and from that which resembles it. Rashbam.) It is speaking of a case where there is no other route, and even so he must strain himself (to turn his eyes aside or to close his eyes). See there. All the more so one who goes and bathes in a mixed sea, where licentiousness is very widespread, there is no doubt that one who goes and bathes there is called wicked, for in no way is it possible not to look at licentious women, and his sin is too great to bear.

And behold, in the Gemara (Gittin 90a), the characteristic of a bad man is that he sees his wife going out with her head uncovered and with her sides exposed and bathing with people (and he remains silent). Bathing with people - is that conceivable? Rather, bathing in a place where people bathe. Rashi explained: Bathing with people - is that conceivable? If so, there are grounds to say that she is a prostitute and is forbidden to her husband, and it is obligated to divorce her, not merely a mitzvah. The Tosafot explained: after all, even a bad man cannot tolerate such a thing, and even the least respectable woman does not do this. See there. The Maharshal wrote that one who actually bathes with people must be divorced by Torah law.

And so wrote the Ran there. It is clear that the man who bathes there is also not free of sin. And even the unmarried women who bathe there are presumed to be menstruants, and there is no distinction between unmarried and married women with regard to the law of a menstruant, as the Rivash wrote in a responsum (section 425). And so it is ruled in Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah. And on the women who bathe there there is an additional prohibition, because they transgress You shall not place a stumbling block before the blind, as the Rambam wrote in his commentary on the Mishnah (Sheviit, chapter 5, mishnah 6), that the meaning of the verse is regarding one whose eyes have been shut by desire and whose evil inclination has blinded the eyes of his intellect; it is forbidden to help him increase his blindness and distance him from uprightness and truth. See there.

It is a great mitzvah upon the rabbis of Israel to inform the people of the severity of the prohibition, to erect a fence and stand in the breach, and to remove the stumbling block from Israel. For they already said (Sanhedrin 107b): the God of these people hates promiscuity. And the leading authorities of our generation have already warned about this, among them the Gaon R. Shmuel Halevi Wosner, may he live long, in Shevet Halevi, part 3 (section 185), the Gaon R. Moshe Feinstein, may he live long, in Igrot Moshe (Even HaEzer, section 56), and the Gaon R. Moshe Stern, may he live long, in Beit Moshe, part 4 (section 147).

Likewise, in the book Taharat Yom Tov, part 8 (page 164 and onward), several great authorities at length in their responsa explained the severity of the prohibition of mixed bathing in the sea or in swimming pools. See there. Therefore, even when one does so for medical reasons, there is no basis for permission, especially since one can find a place where there is no mixing with women, so that there will be no mixture there. And the Gaon R. Chaim Palagi already wrote in the book Moed LeChol Chai (section 9, paragraph 27): this city, lying on the edge of the sea, has more severe transgressions than other places, because men and women, boys and maidens, go to swim in the sea and come to sin. And only so as not to speak ill of Israel will I hold my tongue and not bring to my lips all the many evils done there. The city officials and teachers of Torah must give thought to this and appoint guards who will circle there and not allow any woman to go to the seashore; and even one who says that she is ill and must bathe in the sea for healing is not to be believed. Anyone who lets his wife go to the seashore will ultimately become poor and will pass away in the middle of his days. Therefore, the hearts of fathers should be upon their sons, to be careful with their young men, and likewise with their daughters, that they not go out to the seashore, for there is no doubt that they will come to many mishaps and stumbling blocks. End quote.

See also Midrash Rabbah, Parashat Acharei Mot (parashah 23, section 12): And the eye of the adulterer waits for the night. Reish Lakish said that you should not say that only one who commits the act with his body is called an adulterer; rather, even one who commits adultery with his eyes is called an adulterer, as it is stated: And the eye of the adulterer waits for the night. See there. Therefore one must avoid bathing in a mixed sea where there is no separation between men and women, in any case, even for medical need, and instead he should find a place free of mixing with women, for the sake of his treatment. And it is a mitzvah upon the leaders of the community who fear Hashem and esteem His name to strive to establish separate bathing places, to save many from sin, for it is a presumption that a person does not abandon what is permitted and eat what is forbidden (Gittin 37b). And to those who admonish, it will be pleasing, and upon them will come the blessing of good. And the one who warns and the one who heeds will greatly increase their peace like a river.

With blessings - Binyamin Shmueli