Immersion - Even Though the Distancing Rules Are Not Being Observed
Question
We have been married for nearly 8 years, religiously observant. Sadly, we have not been מצליחים to keep the distancing rules. In recent times my husband is also unwilling to sleep in separate beds, and we are not careful at all about physical contact; we only take care not to lie together in a way that is fully intimate (without penetration). My question is whether there is any point in immersing in this situation, because to me it feels like a lie - as though at the very least one should try to make an effort. I told my husband that if we do not separate the beds and do not make an effort, there is no reason for me to immerse. He says I am not allowed to threaten him with that. I do not know what to do. I would appreciate an answer as soon as possible
Answer
Greetings and blessings
One may threaten, but one may not carry it out.
You may try to explain in any way that you are not willing to sleep in the same bed with him during the days of your niddah, but Heaven forbid to stop immersing, and thereby fail in the gravest sin, which is lying together during the days of niddah.
It must always be remembered that the gravest sin is relations during the days of niddah; this involves the prohibition of karet.
All matters of affection during the days of niddah are a Torah prohibition, but they do not involve karet; the rest of the distancing rules are only a rabbinic prohibition.
Therefore, even someone who is unable to keep one matter should, Heaven forbid, not refrain from keeping the main thing, which is observing niddah.
To what is this comparable? To someone whose hand or foot hurts, and would he then say that if so, he may also make his heart sick?
My recommendation is to go with your husband for a Shabbat weekend on matters of Judaism, so that your husband will understand the great importance of being careful with all the laws of purity, and, with Hashem's help, he will return to observing all the laws of distancing as before.
May you be sealed for a good year - Binyamin Shmuali
