The Hidden Tests of Faith We Face Every Day

Lately, because of various things I’ve been going through in my personal life, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about what people call a “test of faith.”

When we hear that phrase, we usually think of major challenges: illness, financial hardship, accidents, or other life-altering events. But I’ve been thinking about the smaller tests, the ones that show up quietly throughout the day and often pass unnoticed.

If you went through a difficult financial period and your situation eventually improved, was it because of your hard work, or because Hashem decreed that things would improve?

If, like me, you failed multiple driving tests and still haven't managed to get a license, do you truly believe that this comes from Hashem? Or do you find yourself blaming the examiner, the pedestrian who stepped into the road, or the child who suddenly chased after a ball?

If someone insults your child, is your first thought that this person is merely a messenger from Hashem? That doesn't mean you shouldn't call the teacher afterward. The question is simply: what is the first thought that enters your mind?

And if a child breaks a leg while wearing roller shoes, even though half the neighborhood rides around on the same shoes without incident, is it "because of the shoes," or because Hashem decreed that this would happen at that precise moment?

The Other Side of the Equation

Of course, the same question applies to the good things in life.

If you succeed in a certain area, is it because of your talent and effort, or because Hashem granted you success through that effort?

If the bus arrives on time, everything goes smoothly, and you manage to accomplish everything on your to-do list, is it because you planned well, or because you were blessed with special siyata d'Shmaya?

Lately I've been listening repeatedly to Rav Yigal Cohen's shiurim on Shaar HaBitachon. The daily learning has sharpened something for me.

A person absolutely has an obligation to make hishtadlut. We need to plan, work, learn, prepare, and act responsibly. But at the same time, everything ultimately comes from Hashem. The smallest details and the biggest events alike are all under His direction.

There is nothing particularly novel in that statement. Every religious Jew knows it.

But knowing something and living it are not always the same thing.

The Test of the First Thought

If I went through several difficult births and later experienced easier ones, was it because I received an epidural? Or was it because Hashem decided that this birth would be easier and brought about that outcome through the epidural?

If I spend weeks unable to sleep because a broken medical device keeps sending me from one technician to another with no solution in sight, is the problem that I still haven't found the right technician? Or is this exactly what Hashem wants me to experience right now?

That last example, I think, sharpened this lesson for me more than anything else.

After nearly a month of being passed from technician to technician, trying unsuccessfully to adjust the settings on the CPAP machine I rely on to breathe properly at night, I finally reached my breaking point.

I looked upward and said:

"Master of the Universe, I can't do this anymore. You decided when this difficulty would begin and when it would end. As far as I'm concerned, this doesn't depend on any technician. Please let me sleep tonight. I depend only on You."

Everything is under Divine providence.

Everything is decreed by the Creator.

There is nothing besides Him.

One Moment an Angel, the Next Moment Something Else

There are moments when this awareness feels completely real to me.

And then there are moments when I find myself struggling not to blame external factors for every frustration in life: the bank, the insurance company, the school, the technician, the bureaucracy.

Rebbe Nachman captured this struggle with a famous expression: "One moment you're an angel, and the next moment you're something else entirely."

One moment a person is filled with faith and clarity. The next moment, they're thinking like everyone else, forgetting Who truly runs the world.

What Comes First?

None of this removes personal responsibility.

If my daughter comes home crying, I still need to call the teacher. If I'm deciding whether to buy roller shoes, I still need to use common sense and good judgment.

The issue is not what action I take afterward.

The issue is the first thought.

What is my immediate reaction when something difficult happens?

Do I immediately blame the examiner, the technician, the school, or the circumstances? Or is my first instinct to remember that this, too, comes from Hashem?

I think the day my first thought is, "This is a test from Hashem," rather than, "How could this person have done this to me?" I'll know I've taken another step forward in my journey of teshuvah.

Still, we pray every day: "May we not be brought to a test."

And if we must grow, perhaps it would be better to grow through blessings, successes, and good things.

That sounds like a much easier path, doesn't it?