7 Negative Thoughts to Stop Believing About Yourself

“She always has everything under control.” “I don’t have the energy.” “It’s too late.”

Our inner voice works overtime without getting paid. Maybe it is time to send it on unpaid leave.

If a friend spoke to us this way, we would probably end the friendship, but when the voice inside our head speaks this way, we do not just listen. We nod, agree, and even supply additional examples to prove its point.

Our harshest critic is not sitting on some judgment committee, but inside our own mind, in the best chair, drinking our coffee.

Researchers at Queen’s University in Canada estimated in a 2020 study that the average person experiences more than 6,000 thought sequences a day. Some are useful, such as, “Did I remember to take my keys?” But others act like a slow drip, gradually weakening us from within.

Following are seven thoughts it may be time to say goodbye to.

1. “I Just Don’t Get Enough Done”

I do not accomplish enough at work. I do not accomplish enough at home. I am simply not doing enough.

According to whose standard? We wrote the task list ourselves, and we are also the ones who decided that it was realistic.

Rabbi Tarfon already taught: “It is not your responsibility to finish the work” (Pirkei Avot 2:16).

You completed only a third of your list today? Wonderful. Stop demanding 120 percent from yourself. A better sentence to adopt: “I did what was within my ability today, and that is exactly what was required of me.”

2. “Everything Always Works Out for Her”

We see our neighbor’s spotless living room and her perfectly groomed children, and we draw conclusions. What we do not see is what happened in her house five minutes before we knocked on the door.

We are comparing our own behind the scenes reality with someone else’s polished presentation. No one can win that competition because the competition does not actually exist.

A better thought: “Very nice. Now show me the room you close when guests come over.”

3. “I Always Mess Up These Things”

Notice the word “always.”

We forgot the cake in the oven once, and suddenly we have acquired a permanent identity: “Me and baking? It’s a sad story.”

Our minds can take one isolated event and turn it into an identity. Imagine if we did the opposite: “I succeeded once, so apparently I’m a genius.”

Sounds exaggerated? It is just as exaggerated as the negative generalization. The difference is that we tend to believe the negative version without questioning it.

Reframe it: “I made a mistake this time. That is all it means.”

4. “What Will People Think?”

While we are busy wondering what our sister in law thought about the cake we brought, she may be busy wondering what we thought about the refreshments she served.

Two women, two worried minds, and perhaps neither one was actually judging the other.

This does not mean that we should ignore other people’s opinions. Sensitivity and consideration have real value. But there is a difference between being considerate and becoming paralyzed by what others might think.

We live our lives before the Master of the Universe, not before an imaginary neighborhood judging committee.

A better thought: “That audience I imagined? They are on the stage too, probably feeling just as nervous as I am.”

5. “After This Is Over, I’ll Finally Be Calm”

After the wedding. After the move. After the holidays.

Peace always seems to be waiting just around the next corner. Somehow, every time we reach that corner, we discover another one. Someone who never learns to find happiness within the mess may not suddenly discover it when the mess is over.

“Who is rich? One who is happy with his portion” (Pirkei Avot 4:1). Notice the wording: with his portion. Not with the portion he expects to have six months from now.

Try this instead: “I checked around the corner. Calm isn’t there. There’s just another corner.”

6. “I Don’t Have the Strength. I’m Not Made for This”

This is the sentence that often appears just before something new and challenging.

In truth however, we have already done many things we once thought we were not “made for.” Childbirth, loss, stressful periods, and challenges we never imagined we would get through.

Our personal track record is often far more impressive than we give ourselves credit for.

A better thought: “I have already made it through difficult things. I have evidence.”

7. “It’s Too Late for Me”

Too late to learn. Too late to change. Too late to begin something new.

Our Sages teach that Rabbi Akiva did not begin studying Torah until the age of forty (Avot D’Rabbi Natan 6). A simple shepherd who had not learned to read stood before an entire world of knowledge. We can only imagine what his inner voice might have whispered: “At your age? Forget it. This isn’t for you.”

But he did not listen. He saw a stone that had been worn away by drops of water and understood: if soft water can carve into stone, a heart can change too.

In time, Rabbi Akiva became the teacher of 24,000 students and one of the greatest Sages of the Mishnah.

Time is going to pass anyway. The only question is whether, a year from now, we will say, “I’m so glad I started,” or once again say, “It’s too late,” only now one year later.

A better sentence to tell yourself: “At my age? Exactly. At this age, I no longer have the patience to wait another year.”