The Simchat Torah Invitation That Saved a Life: A Powerful Story of Love and Acceptance

One year ago, a few days after Simchat Torah, a mother called to thank me and reminded me of her extraordinary story.

She and her husband had a twenty-year-old son who had deteriorated significantly, both spiritually and emotionally. He had endured serious trauma and had reached a point where he was no longer particularly observant.

As Simchat Torah approached, their son asked if he could come home to Jerusalem to celebrate the holiday with them. There was just one condition: he wanted to come for the festive evening meal but did not want to stay overnight or remain with the family for the entire holiday. He had an important event later that night that he did not want to miss.

For his parents, this was difficult to accept. “How can you leave in the middle of the holiday?” they told him. “Either you come for the whole holiday, or don’t come at all.”

But their son pleaded with them. “I miss the hakafot in the synagogue. I miss Mom’s delicious food. I live the way I live anyway, so please don’t take away my chance to have the meal together with all of you and experience the holiday. It really matters to me.”

His parents were deeply torn and called me for advice.

Every Moment Together Is a Gain

I am not qualified to answer halachic questions, certainly not questions of this seriousness. But I remembered something Rabbi Uri Zohar, of blessed memory, once told me. He explained that one of the things that had helped him return to Torah observance was the willingness of others, at the beginning of his journey, to make room for him and welcome him as he was.

Rabbi Uri himself later hosted families who would come for only “half a Shabbat,” and he had received permission from Rabbi Fischer, of blessed memory, to do so. Eventually, those families returned to Torah observance in a significant way.

I personally heard Rabbi Uri advise parents facing similar situations: “Anywhere else they go, the food will certainly be less kosher and the atmosphere less modest. So what do you gain by refusing to let them come? Invite them. Pamper them. That is the way to bring them closer. Every moment they are with you is pure gain. And if at some point during Shabbat the child chooses to leave, that is his decision. It is not worth giving up the opportunity for closeness because of the fear that he may leave later.”

I repeated his words to the mother and suggested that she prepare an especially delicious holiday meal.

“Who knows?” I told her. “Maybe in the end he’ll be too tired to continue his night. Perhaps he’ll fall asleep and end up spending the entire holiday with you.”

I also advised the parents to consult a qualified halachic authority who was familiar with these complex situations, because every case must be considered individually. Then, I told them, they could feel at peace with their decision and pray for good news.

The Night He Never Left

Two weeks later, the mother told me what had happened.

Her son had enjoyed the dancing in the synagogue so much, and the warm holiday meal at home had been so enjoyable, that although he fully intended to leave later that night and drive to the event, he simply fell asleep.

When he woke up the following morning, he was horrified. He had overslept and missed the event he had been so determined to attend.

We all know how that morning continued. The sirens began, and then came the terrible reports, one after another.

Only later did the young man realize that the event he had missed was the Nova music festival.

His mother understood that by opening their home to their son, welcoming him as he was, and drawing him close instead of pushing him away, they had saved his life.

Sometimes an Embrace Can Save a Life

We cannot understand the calculations of Heaven. But there is one lesson we can take to heart: “From my enemies I gain wisdom.”

Just as our enemies seek to divide us and create conflict among us, we must strive for the opposite: unity, connection, and love. And that unity begins at home.

When someone we love has taken a different path, made mistakes, or become distant from the life we hoped they would lead, pushing them farther away is not always the answer. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is leave the door open, set another place at the table, and let them know that they are still loved and still belong.

If we learn to accept, draw close, and embrace, we may be able to save souls.

Sometimes, quite literally. May Hashem help us succeed.