The Parenting Mistake That Could Be Holding Your Child Back

When children try something new, whether it's finishing their homework, working on an art project, or simply opening a water bottle, frustration can quickly take over. Before long, the familiar words come out: "I can't do it!"

As parents, our natural instinct is to step in, solve the problem, and spare our children the frustration. After all, why watch them struggle when we can make things easier?

But parenting experts explain that rushing to fix every problem can actually prevent children from developing the resilience and patience they need later in life. Sometimes, the most helpful thing a parent can do is give a child the space to figure things out.

Why Letting Children Struggle Can Be Good for Them

Dina Margolin and Kristin Gallant, founders of the parenting platform Big Little Feelings, encourage parents to resist the urge to immediately solve every difficulty their children encounter.

Margolin acknowledges that this can be especially challenging for parents who instinctively want to help.

"I think this is a big one for a lot of us — I know I have to practice this really intentionally. It's okay for your child to struggle. They're allowed to feel frustrated. It's so hard to sit there and watch them try to do something, break down, fall apart, and not jump in and try to fix it."

She explains that although stepping in may bring immediate relief, it doesn't necessarily teach children how to manage frustration independently.

"Solving is always the first thing I want to do and still — I know it's not going to help in the long run. Everything inside me wants to jump in and say, 'Here you go. Don't worry. Let me cut it like this. You want it like this, let me undo it like this for you,' and just fix the problem. But when we look at the big picture, that's not really going to help them build frustration tolerance."

Learning to cope with disappointment, mistakes, and challenges is an important part of growing up. When children have opportunities to work through manageable difficulties, they gradually develop greater confidence in their ability to handle problems.

"We have to let them struggle. Struggling in life is normal, and making mistakes is normal and it's healthy. And that's how, in the end, they learn and become able to handle frustration better down the road," Margolin explains.

That doesn't mean leaving a child to deal with overwhelming emotions alone. Parents can remain nearby, offer reassurance, and encourage their children to take a break when needed.

Instead of immediately providing the solution, Margolin recommends saying something like: "I know this is hard for you. When you're ready, see if you can try it a different way."

This approach acknowledges the child's feelings while encouraging independence and problem-solving.

Children Learn How to Handle Frustration by Watching Us

Another important part of raising resilient children is recognizing how much they learn from their parents' everyday reactions.

Gallant points out that children constantly observe how adults respond to stress, inconvenience, and disappointment. If parents regularly lose their patience over small frustrations, children may begin to respond in similar ways.

"On the flip side — and people don't like hearing this — if we're frustrated by every little thing, that's a problem," she explains.

She describes familiar situations such as being stuck in traffic, running late, or accidentally spilling coffee. When these moments lead to yelling, complaining, or visible anger, children absorb those responses.

"That pretty much guarantees that the next time your child spills something, or can't put something together, or feels frustrated, they'll probably react just like you."

Of course, no parent remains calm all the time. The goal isn't perfection, but greater awareness of the example we're setting.

When children see their parents pause, take a breath, and approach a problem calmly, they begin to learn that frustration doesn't have to lead to an emotional outburst.

Margolin also recommends showing children that adults struggle with everyday tasks, too.

"You can model examples of hard moments during your day. Make it normal. Because that's the other side of it: in that moment, their little brain is saying, 'Wait, Mom did it on the first try. Why can't I do it?' Show them that you're having trouble opening the jar."

By openly acknowledging small difficulties and demonstrating how to work through them, parents help children understand that making mistakes and needing several attempts are normal parts of life.

The next time your child says, "I can't do it," resist the urge to immediately take over. Offer encouragement, acknowledge their frustration, and give them an opportunity to try again.

Sometimes, allowing children to work through a small challenge is one of the most valuable ways we can help them grow.