What to Do When Your Prayers Are Not Answered

For three months, David has been asking for the same thing. Every morning, during the blessing of Shema Koleinu, he adds a personal request that he find a job. This morning, as he folded his tallit, a question came to mind that he did not really want to ask: Why haven’t I been answered? Is there any point in continuing to pray?

The Gemara gives a direct answer to this question: “If a person sees that he prayed and was not answered, he should pray again” (Berachot 32b).

Rabbi Yitzchak Yosef, in Yalkut Yosef (2004 edition, Tefillah, Vol. 1, p. 41, siman 89, note 1), brings together a number of practices associated with having one’s prayers accepted. Among them, he writes: “A person should not attribute his hopes to the merit of his good deeds, but should rely on the kindness of Hashem.”

Chazal praise those who pray extensively and at length: “Anyone who prolongs his prayer, his prayer does not return empty” (Berachot 32b). At the same time, the Gemara warns against assuming that our request must be fulfilled simply because we prayed at length or with great concentration. We continue to ask and plead, while placing our hope in Hashem’s mercy.

Remember Others Who Are Also Waiting for Help

The Gemara teaches: “Anyone who asks for mercy on behalf of another when he himself needs the same thing is answered first” (Bava Kamma 92a).

Someone looking for work can pray for a friend who is also seeking a livelihood. Someone in need of healing can pray for another person who is ill.

Alongside praying for others, Chazal also speak about loving one’s neighbors, maintaining close relationships with relatives, and lending money to a poor person in a time of need. The Gemara states: “One who loves his neighbors, draws his relatives close, marries his sister’s daughter, and lends a coin to a poor person in his time of distress, about him the verse says: ‘Then you shall call and Hashem will answer; you shall cry out and He will say, Here I am’” (Yevamot 62b).

Give Tzedakah Before Prayer

The Gemara relates that Rabbi Elazar would give a coin to a poor person and then pray, based on the verse, “Through righteousness I will behold Your face” (Bava Batra 10a).

Pray in the Synagogue and Study Torah

Yalkut Yosef emphasizes the importance of praying in the synagogue, along with making an effort to study Torah. Regarding the value of praying in the synagogue, the Gemara says: “A person’s prayer is heard only in the synagogue” (Berachot 6a).

Regarding Torah study, Rabbi Yosef writes in Yalkut Yosef: “One should make an effort to engage in Torah study, for whoever opens his mouth in Torah and prayer has all his needs fulfilled.”

Pray With Humility and Work on Your Character

Chazal teach about the special quality of the prayer of a humble person (Sotah 5b). The Gemara says of such a person: “His prayer is not rejected,” citing the verse, “A broken and crushed heart, O God, You will not despise.”

Alongside humility, Yalkut Yosef also discusses overlooking personal slights and overcoming one’s own desires for the sake of honoring the Creator.

In his words: “For three reasons prayer is accepted: first, that a person overlooks offenses and accepts humiliation; second, that he breaks his desires for the honor of his Creator; and third, that he increases in prayer.”

To overlook offenses means not taking every slight personally and not rushing to answer someone who has insulted us.

Guard Your Speech

Yalkut Yosef also emphasizes being careful to avoid lashon hara, falsehood, and improper speech: “One should guard his tongue from speaking lashon hara, words of falsehood, and obscene speech, and then his prayer will be accepted.”

Ask Others to Pray for You

In a time of great distress, Yalkut Yosef advises sharing one’s suffering with others so that many people can pray for mercy.

In his words: “When a person is experiencing great distress, he should make his pain known to the public, and many will ask for mercy on his behalf.”

Regarding someone who has an ill person in the household, the Gemara states: “Anyone who has a sick person in his home should go to a Torah scholar and ask him to pray for mercy on his behalf” (Bava Batra 116a).

Yalkut Yosef also mentions turning to a Torah scholar who leads a yeshiva and asking him to pray for someone whose prayers have not yet been answered.

Tomorrow morning, David will open his siddur again. The job has still not been found. During Shema Koleinu, he will once again ask for a livelihood, and also for the strength not to lose hope.